The Men I Didn't Marry

April 2006

By Janice Kaplan & Lynn Schnurnberger

The authors of the national bestsellers Mine Are Spectacular! and The Botox Diaries apply their trademark wit and wisdom to another delicious read. Join Hallie Lawrence Pierpont as she’s whisked away on a journey into her past love life that leads to her future.

Hallie’s husband, Bill, doesn’t even wait until they get home from dropping off their youngest daughter at Yale to announce that he’s leaving–for fitness trainer Ashlee (two e’s, perky breasts, and shiny hair to boot). After first succumbing to an Oreo-induced coma, Hallie is determined to get her life back. An unexpected call from an old college boyfriend sets a plan in motion. Whatever happened to all those men she didn’t marry?

First up is Eric, now an international businessman and number 277 on Forbes’s “Richest People in the World” list. He and Hallie used to put a nickel in the piggy bank every time they made love. Now Eric would like to renew the investment. Next she finds Rav Jon Yoma Maharishi–formerly known as Barry. Her onetime backpacking boyfriend has become the spiritual leader at the Heavenly Spirit Retreat Center, and their reunion would be a little smoother if he weren’t in the midst of a three-day silent meditation. Kevin, the sexiest man she ever met, is now a scuba-diving photographer working on Angelina Jolie’s latest movie. When he seduces her into joining him at his beachfront paradise on Virgin Gorda, Hallie can overlook his gaggle of bikini-clad friends, but can a woman survive on a steady diet of sex, sharks, and air tanks?

Back at home with her best friend, Bellini Baxter, Hallie visits an all-night spray-tanning salon and Soho’s legendary Cellulite Exorcist, whose secret weapon looks suspiciously like an Oreck vacuum cleaner. Hallie’s college-age children are protective of their mom but embarrassed to have her back in teenage territory–the world of dating and condoms. Finally, Hallie confronts the great love she swore she’d never see again and resolves an old family secret.

Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger tell a heartfelt and hilarious story about moving forward by looking back. By turns poignant and laugh-aloud funny, this is a must read for every woman who’s ever wondered about the men she didn’t marry.

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