Today on AM Northwest life coach Didi Zahariades helped us figure out if we were perfectionists!

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Contact Information:

Coach To Win

516 SE Morrison Street

Suite LL5

Portland,  OR 97214

Or call: 503-230-0443

Are You a Perfectionist?

Ask yourself:

• Are you a person who is constantly thinking?
• Involved in one conversation, but simultaneously thinking about what you should be doing instead or what you need to do next?
• Are you often late as you complete just one more thing on your "to do" list?
• Are you ever satisfied?
• Do you allow yourself quiet time to lounge, you know just stroll around the house with no agenda no plan?

With others:

• Do you have trouble saying no?
• Do you take time to help your friends with solutions to their problems?
• Do you "fix" things for others?
• Do you worry about what others think?
• Do you manipulate other’s emotions?

Your role in the Birthday Card Conspiracy

Why is perfectionism such an issue today?

"Keeping Up with the Jones" has been replaced with "Keeping up with Hollywood"

• Appearance is important: plastic surgeons, chest enhancements for 18 year olds, teeth whitening, and $200 jeans.
• We are paying to be "perfect".
• Job status: Donald Trump, "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" Immediate fame on American Idol. Fame for being an heiress!
• Money equals success, which equals perfection.
• The model’s body. Representing the size 0 female in a world where the average size female is a 12-14.
• Accepting that model perfection is attainable.

Understanding the Process of Making a Decision for a Perfectionist

Example: Asking a Perfectionist to make a casual individual decision/selection.

Where do you want to eat?

Perfectionist: "Oh I don’t care; where do you want to go?"

I was thinking about Italian food.

Perfectionist: "Oh I don’t know if we should eat something that heavy for lunch; but it’s up to you --- I’m flexible.

Well there’s a good Thai restaurant right down the street.

Perfectionist: "Well maybe, but there’s also that Chinese restaurant; what do you think?

So you want to eat Chinese?

Perfectionist: "No, just whatever sounds good to you."

Perfectionist is concerned that the "right" decision is made.

Perfectionist is worried that her lunch date with not be happy at the restaurant chosen.

Perfectionist isn’t sure where to go, but is concerned that her lunch date will make a bad choice.

Perfectionist is scared of making a mistake.

Example: Asking a Perfectionist to make a group decision.

Perfectionist: "Where do you want to eat on Friday night?"

Well, it’s only Tuesday so I haven’t thought about it. There are 4 of us; do you want to find a place?

Perfectionist: "Sure, I can check out a few new places. No problem."

Perfectionist Action Plan:

1. Reads reviews of several restaurants.

2. Previews the menus.

3. Makes reservations at 3 different restaurants.

4. Mapquests the area to have a pre-post plan for bars / activities in the area.

5. Spends 2.5 hours making selections. (P is late to two important meetings.)

Two Primary fears of a Perfectionist

1. Fear of Failure: The belief that you are letting someone down if you are not perfect.

Perfection is a coping mechanism. It is a role for the person, "She is so perfect."

If you don’t take a chance, you won’t make a mistake. A mistake is equal to failure; failing in not consistent with your role in life.

The Perfectionist doesn’t act because he believes, "I must be certain (that there is no risk.)" before I can act.

If nothing changes, until I have a perfect plan, then I am secure.

It offers a state of safety and security which all humans require.

 

2. Fear of Success: It is possible to fear success as much as failure.

Leads to procrastination. Not taking a step of action because if it does work out the next steps will be too big to control and/or you may not know what that next step needs to be.

Start to self-sabotage because they don’t have the entire plan scripted:

If I succeed at this… what next?

If I succeed… I may have to ask for help. Perfectionist has had negative experiences in the past and may have a difficult time trusting others.

Until there is a plan, they are trapped in a cycle of indecisiveness.

4 Steps for an Individual to Give up Perfectionism:

1. You must accept your Greatness.

2. You must learn to ask for help.

3. You must ACT your way out of perfectionism.

4. You must begin to intellectually accept risk and tolerate uncertainty.

Help as a family member or mate:

• Recognize you may be let down by this person
• Allow this person to make mistakes.
• Stop encouraging their perfection.