How to Fight Fair

By AM Northwest Staff

Relationship coach Diane Dennis joined us to discuss tips for fighting fair within relationships.

Please watch the segment to learn more!

 Diane had the following advice for "Fighting Fair. " 

Rules:

1. Never use "you" i.e. You made me feel bad: we need to own our feeling. No one else can "make us feel". We are in charge and must take responsibility for our feelings. We can choose to feel any way we want.

2. Never say "global statements" like: You always..... You never....Our relationship always goes like this. This takes a simple conflict and extrapolates it to always and every time which makes the participants feel defeated and that they can never get it right because "It Always" gets messed up.

3. Understand your style of conflict management, know where it came from, and make adaptions.

4. Mars VS Venus: women and men generally speaking use different techniques when upset: Men may get quiet and retreat. Women want to TALK. Talking may cause stress for a man. Retreating mag cause fear for women. Learn to negotiate different styles.

5. If you are caught up in a Drama Triangle or co-dependent get assistance from a professional, because these two dynamics are deeply rooted in the past and addictive behaviors. (I will give examples of both the drama triangle and co-dependency)

6. Learn "self soothing" techniques when conflict causes unrelenting stress

7. Identify your "triggers" and alert your partner to these and ask him/her to work with you.  

 

 

 

For more on Diane Dennis please click here  or call 503-972-3441. 

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