Lying and Integrity

By AM Northwest Staff

When Eliot Spitzer, the former governor of New York, famously resigned, his wife stood by, her face filled with grief and shock, leading some to believe the betrayal was news to her as well.

It might be difficult to comprehend but was keeping his extra marital activities from his wife a deceit or a way to protect her feelings.

Here to seperate lying and integrity was life and relationship coach Diane Dennis.


Here are her tips:

No one wants to be lied to, but we all find ourselves in a position at times where

lying is easier than telling the truth. And, many times the truth is hard to swallow.

  1. Honesty is one element of integrity. Some hold truth telling on a higher scale of importance than others. It is important to know where your partner is on this scale.

The question to ask and these are personal ones that both the giver and receiver need to have a clear contract about:

  1. Will keeping the truth from someone hurt them more in the long run?
  2. Will telling the truth hurt them more in the long run?

3. Would you rather know the truth than not and what are the topics you would rather not know and need to know

4. Is lying serving you only and not serving the receiver?

5. Understand your motivation for not telling the truth

Body language of someone who is lying:

  1. Not making eye contact
  2. Smiling with only their mouth
  3. Gestures and words don’t match up
  4. Leaning away instead of in to you when they are talking
  5. Getting defensive or wanting to change the subject

Verbal cues when someone is lying:

  1. Using sarcasm or humor to cover up truth or real feelings
  2. Repeating your words when asked a question
  3. Using vague answers to answer a question
  4. Using these kinds of expressions :I did not do it instead of I didn’t do it (Clinton)

Why do we get so upset when our politicians or loved ones lie to us?

  1. If they lie about that what else will they lie about?
  2. Our sense of safety and security is at risk
  3. It is hard to trust or be intimate with someone who lies to you
  4. Hypocritical behavior makes one not credible—When our dad smokes and says don’t smoke it isn’t good for you. Do what you say and say what you mean


  1. When our actions align with our principles
  2. Act the same way we "preach"
  3. When we have a personal definition of integrity and live within those guidelines

When we align ourselves with others who share the same definition of integrity


For more information you can contact Diane Dennis, Life & Relationship Coach at 503-972-3441 or head to her website.


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