Engagement Intelligence

Professional Coach and author of "Choosing Me Before We" says there are three questions every bride-to-be needs to ask her partner before walking down the aisle.

Of course it’s exciting to be engaged…planning the ‘big day’ and dreaming of the future. But in the flurry of excitement that comes with planning the wedding, the most important detail is almost always overlooked –  knowing exactly what and who you are really committing to? Most couples go right from, “Will you marry me?”  and “Yes!” to the wedding planning treadmill to walking down the aisle. And then a few years into their marriage, they’re wondering why they aren’t getting what they need, why their partner isn’t doing what he’s ‘supposed’ to, and how come their great relationship turned into a mediocre or unhappy marriage.

Realize that your commitment to each other starts the moment you say “I Do.” Don't make the wedding day about the event, make it about what the two of you are committing to for your entire life. How you do the wedding is a big indicator of how you will do your life.

Be clear on what that commitment really means to both of you. Don’t assume. Steer clear of mind reading, it’s a dangerous sport. Marriage means different things to different people. Even if you’ve already had all ‘the conversations’ hearing specifically from your mate what this commitment means to him is a must have.

Be honest about who you are marrying. See who they are today. Listen to who they say they are committed to growing into tomorrow, not who you would like them to be. Don’t marry his potential and don’t marry thinking he will change.

Know what you need from this person and the relationship and tell your partner. What you need and what he needs could be totally different. Tell your guy what you need, and be specific, because if you don’t ask you won’t get it and you won’t know if he can give it. 
Unmet expectations are a leading cause of divorce. Get your expectations straight before walking down the aisle.

In support of Engagement Intelligence, Arylo encourages couples to ask three questions of each other prior to taking any vows.

*What are your intentions for your life?
*What are your commitments to yourself? (note: commitments are different than intentions. A person can intend to do something but never do it. You want to know what they are committing to for themselves, because a commitment is their word to take action.)
* What does this commitment we are taking mean to you? How is it different from what we have now?

Arylo asked her own fiance' these same question. When asked if she was concerned her fiancé would get angry or refuse to answer these questions while he was bent down on one knee, Arylo replies “No. If he hadn’t answered them I knew that he wouldn't have been the partner for me. If you are committing to spend your life with this person, you better darn well know what their commitments are to their own lives first.”  In Arylo’s case,  the questions led to an hour-long conversation that made the cementing-the-deal kiss well worth the wait!


 

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