Why Bad Habits Could Be Killing Your Relationship
Marriage & Family Therapist, Kelly Hoffman, told us the about the three habits that could be killing your relationship and how to break them.
That’s right, just like biting your nails is a habit, so are biting comments and other negative habits that can take a toll on event the best relationships. Here are 3 of the bigees; they are the habits almost everyone has, and they can do the most damage.
Eye Rolling You see it on movies and tv, and it gets a laugh, so what’s wrong with a well timed eye roll you ask? Well, its all about what the eye roll is communicating. What eye rolling, (or huffing and sighing etc.) are all about is a feeling of contempt for the other person. Yeah, you heard me, contempt. Think about it, what do politicians do when they want to discredit their opponent? They pull out the old eye roll. Its tried and true and communicates clearly and effectively to others that you think the other person is a real schmuck. Great for political debates, not so good for relationships you want to keep non adversarial.
Comebacks So many times we walk away from a situation thinking about what we should of said, and how fabulous it would be, so why not let a comeback fly if you actually can think of one! Trouble is, most comebacks are sarcastic, and the basic premise of sarcasm is that you say one thing but you really mean another. Not a firm foundation for trust, which of course is essential for a healthy relationships. Next time you think of the perfect comeback, comeback to it.
Silence Ok, silence does not always mean someone is being a jerk. This isn’t just that someone is confused or taking a while to answer because they are thinking about things, this is the silence that comes from “I don’t like how this is going so I’m not playing anymore”. Reminiscent of school yard “its my bat and ball and if you don’t play my way I’ll take them and go home”. “The Silent Treatment” is the official title, and nothing says “go jump in a lake” better. Problem is, it would be better for your relationship to tell your partner to go jump in a lake. Silent treatment leaves things, important things, unsaid, and therefore unresolved. This can lead to resentment which will eventually destroy the trust and intimacy if not the relationship itself.
What to do?
Eye rolling: Hold your eyes up instead of completing the roll, blink a lot.
For more advice from Kelly Hoffman you can link to Kelly's blog and podcast by clicking here.