Why does this keep happening to me?
Author: Stephanie Somanchi, MBA
YOU ARE THE PATTERN. It is not bad luck or bad timing, it is you! By changing yourself, you can change what happens in your life.
Recognize the Pattern
The first step is to see the pattern. Look for what is “always” happening. Without acknowledgement, your life will continue to see random and without control. You can build greater awareness by keeping a journaling, meditating, and creating a daily reflection space.
Example: You attract the same type of people, the same flaky friends, the same type of date or you think you are accident prone.
Stop the Blame Game
It is tempting to see our problems as “caused” by other people and to want to change them. This shifts responsibility and takes the control away from you. You don’t have control over other people, so this will leave you in the same situation and powerless. Keep the focus on changing your own actions and reactions.
Example: Your husband, friends, co-workers seem to sabotage your diet. Your boss never sees you are worthy of the promotion. The same type of guy asks you out on a date.
Act! Give Yourself What You Need
Keep all of your change energy on your own actions and reactions. Continue to ask yourself what piece of the situation you control through your actions and reactions – then act! Give yourself what you need first – stop expecting it from others. You cannot receive what you haven’t given to yourself first.
Example: If your boss isn’t recognizing your talents, you must first begin to value yourself and seek ways to showcase your talents. If you continue to fail at your diet, seek to change your environment and support system. Ask yourself what behavior attracts the wrong people in your life and seek to change this quality. Are you open to mistreatment because of lack of self-value? Are you not the friend that you should be? First, give and treat yourself with what you wish to receive from others.
Rewards – Be Worthy of Change
Go deep and understand that you’ve been getting some rewards from this too. Old behavior patterns have rewards and in order to reinforce new patterns you must give yourself a benefit for the change. Only behavior changes built on self-worth are sustainable. Always have a positive to GIVE yourself, not only something to give up.
Example: Perhaps you get sympathy for being the person in distress. Accepting compliments for being the person in charge. Instead of the joy of a cookie, keep the focus on how you feel and how much energy you hold.
BEWARE: Change will ruffle some feathers! Others have expectations of you and this may cause them discomfort when you no longer fit inside their idea box. By changing your behavior they may have to adjust or look at their own lives differently. Be prepared and have a go to support system ready.
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