Dealing with Infidelity

Psychotherapist and life coach Didi Zahariades joined us to talk about the process for dealing with a loved one's infidelity:

 An easy choice; everyone has an opinion… until it happens to you.  Be cautious of saying what you would/wouldn’t do in this situation because it isn’t an easy choice either way.  The easiest step is to get mad and leave.  But then what? …
There are not actual steps available to make this decision; it is more of a decision-making process without a beginning or end.  Walking away without closure may be more painful than staying with answers. 

  1. Recognize there is no Timeline to the process of deciding.  You will have one day that you strongly believe it is over and that you could never be with this person followed by a day of sadness and desire to stay in the relationship. 
  2. Talk to friends/family, but with the understanding that this is Your Relationship.  Other’s will have their own opinions, remember this is Your marriage and Your Choice.
  3. Get counseling immediately.  Counseling is an important part.  It allows for an open dialogue.  Tough questions will get answered here.  Not necessarily ‘couple counseling’ --- sometimes you need your own time first.  This will allow an atmosphere to assist you in making a plan.  It is feeling helpless that is the scariest part and it is necessary to take back a portion of control.
  4. Be real about your relationship.  What did/do you like about it?  What is lacking for You?  Be honest with yourself.   Slowly re-engage and start Dating your Mate.  Learn about who he is today.  Discover who you are today and be real about what you need today.
  5. He must say sorry… until.   This may require 100 “I’m sorry” ‘s.  And an environment where you can ask as many questions as you want for as long as you need.  He must say sorry until you are ok.  Until it doesn’t hurt so much.  Until …
  6. If you stay, you have to –eventually- forgive him & re-commit to the relationship.  You will not be able to forget, but you have to let go.  This wasn’t your problem, your choice; but it is now.  Now you decide if you can change enough to make the marriage work --- for Both of You.

For more information, visit Didi's website.

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