Dealing with Difficult People
Vanessa Van Edwards, author of "Human Lie Detection and Body Language 101," stopped by with tips to help us deal with the difficult people in our lives.
How to Deal with Difficult People
Here are some ideas for how you can handle the difficult person in your life:
1. Identify the 4 Types
There are 4 different types of difficult people. Think about the person in your life and figure out which category they are in:
2. Don’t Try to Change Them
When we meet a difficult person, or if we have one in our family or circle of friends our instinct is to try to change them. We try to encourage Downers to be more positive, Passives to stand up for themselves, Tanks to calm down and Better Thans to be more humble. This never works! In fact, when you try to change someone they tend to resent you, dig in their heels, and get worse.
3. Try to Understand Them
The way to disengage a difficult person is to try to understand where they are coming from. I try to find their value language (link: http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2014/01/hidden-side-people/ ). A value language is what someone values most. It is what drives their decisions. For some people it is money, other’s it is power or knowledge. This not only helps me understand them, but also helps them relax and become more open minded. For example, sometimes Tanks just want to explain their opinion. If you let them talk to you, that might help them not blow up or try to dominate a situation.
4. Don’t Let Them Be Toxic
Some difficult people can be toxic. Toxic people can be passive aggressive, mean or hurtful. So if you have to deal with them, you can understand where they are coming from and then keep your distance. Toxic relationships are harmful so you need to create a buffer zone by surrounding yourself with good friends, seeing them less and if you have to be with them, do it for the minimum amount of time.