He Said, She Said
Psychotherapist, Didi Zahariades, MA joined us to discuss the differences in men and women vocabulary.
For the women:
1. When a Man says, ‘I’m fine.’ He actually is.
Men rarely send mix-messages. Men seldom communicate with emotions attached to their words; male communication style is direct. Women accept that he is saying exactly what he wanted to say and move on.
2. When a Man says, ‘I’m going to hang out with my friends.’ He is telling the truth and isn’t as exciting as you think. He is looking for some guy-time and it does not mean anything about you or your relationship. And remember, he doesn’t have any super model friends!
3. When a Man says, ‘Yes, I will fix the door before the party on Saturday.’
Women be cautious; he will do it but the meaning of each word is literal.
If you don’t want him to fix it 5 minutes before the party, be specific in your expectations.
Be cautious of ‘assuming’ he knows what you want.
4. When a Man says, ‘Nothing. I wasn’t thinking about anything.’
Recognize that he isn’t hiding anything but simply not thinking about anything deep enough to share. Women accept he isn’t thinking about anything relevant to you. More importantly, decrease the amount of credit you are giving him for his deep thoughts. And…quit over analyzing.
For the men:
1. When a Woman says, ‘I’m fine.’ You are in big trouble! She is a lot of things, but fine is not one of them.
Men slow down the conversation, ask what is going on and wait for her response.
Do not accept this as an answer or you will be discussing it later.
2. When a Woman says, ‘I will be ready in 10 minutes.’ This is more of a perception of time; not related to minutes on the clock but to anything within the hour. She isn’t trying to be difficult.
Men get smart. Use past history to know what time means to your partner and plan ahead. There is no reason to get upset or provide a lesson in punctuality when history continually repeats itself.
3. When a Woman says, ‘Nothing is bothering me.’ She is lying. By the time you find yourself asking, ‘What is wrong?’ This answer will not be truthful. She may not be prepared to discuss it yet or is hoping you will read her mind. Remember, this is not a time to ‘fix’ her problems but an opportunity to Listen.
4. When a woman says, ‘How do I look?’ Men be cautious! Most women want to know they look fabulous although occasionally a woman will want to know the specific truth. Be sure you know which is appropriate!