Husband's Top Complaints with Their Wives

Norene Gonsiewski, LCSW, Certified Imago Therapist, shared husband's top resentments towards their wives.

1. When women stop making him the priority
2. When sex and affection are withheld. 
3. When treated with disrespect.
4. When women complain frequently or show little happiness.
5. Not giving him a chance to cool down during an argument.
6. When women get in the way of men parenting the children.

The Solution:

Wives may want to ask their husbands if he has frustrations in any of these areas. This must be done at a time when the listener can assure herself she will not become defensive.

Targeted solutions for each frustrating behavior:

1. Eliminate negative communication.  Ask directly for your needs, not through criticizing or blaming. Substitute “soft start-ups”, “We haven’t gone to a movie for awhile. Let’s go see something.” versus, “You never take me to the movies any more.” Eliminate picking on your spouse. Imagine how you would feel if he followed you around saying, “those pants are old get rid of them” or “you didn’t put the mustard back where it goes.” Be honest with yourself, it would drive you crazy. Tell him every week how impressed you are with him. How much you appreciate his contributions.
2. Stop withholding sex until you feel emotionally close. Be generous with affection. Don’t want until the desire occurs; be willing when he approaches you. Stop judging his love language; it is as valid as your own.
3. If you aren’t happy, do all you can to make yourself happier. Exercise, laugh, give affection and join in on activities. If you are happy and just don’t show it, then start showing it.  Ask for what you need directly; don’t use unhappiness to convey your needs.  It doesn’t work. Tell your spouse everything you are happy about in life…and include him on the list.  Do this regularly.
4. Agree to give both of you amble time to cool down. Then come back together and take turns talking about your upset. With out blame and “you” statements.
5. Allow your husband to be an equal influence on your kids. You were the only one who could have the kids, but you aren’t the only one who can parent. Ask his opinion and then listen to it. Your kids will be healthier adults because they had the best thinking and planning of both parents.
 

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