Unbreak a Heart

If you did your loved one wrong, can it be un-done?  Yes.  Can you move towards forgiven even if it isn’t forgotten?  Yes. Can you fix a broken relationship? Yes. Psychotherapist and Life Coach Didi Zahariades says it takes work and she shared these five steps to getting started:

  1. A Plan for Success.  Create a short honest analysis, can you do it? The analysis of your relationship is the Map for Your Success.  You can’t have a plan if you don’t know where to start.  If you truly don’t know what went wrong, then you can’t fix it.  This is an important first step.  Can you be honest with you? Do you really know what went wrong?  You need to know the answer.  This is the hard truth.  If you really don’t know, then you may not be ready to fix anything. This is often formed from a discussion with your partner.
  2. #1 Fix You; Then Fix Two. You’d never wash the car & put gas in the car if there was not a working engine in the car; would you?  If the inside of the car was broken; would you gas it up, sit in it and expect it to take you to the mall?  We all know this answer yet this is what it is like when you focus on the other person without focusing on you first. This is what it is like trying to fix your relationship with another person when you haven’t fixed your relationship with you first.  If you are a person who:  a) lost your temper b) lied to your partner c) has inappropriate online relationships or d) said things when your partner wasn’t around that you wouldn’t want her hearing if she was present then you most likely need an internal tune up.  Fix you first. Focus on what you can do to You & then focus on Two.
  3. 90 Days + Be Constant.  Can you go the distance?  What behavioral changes did you promise?  The passing of time shows commitment.  Action is powerful.  Most relationships will reunite if a partner can go the distance.  A relationship is similar to a diet; if you continue on the positive track it will work.  The problem is most people give up too soon.
    •     If you often make bad decisions when you drink, stop drinking.
    •    If you often make bad decisions when you are with a certain group of friends, don’t go out with those friends. 
    •    If you make bad decisions after midnight, don’t go out after midnight.
    Some things are simple; if you really want the relationship to work it is easy.
    Regardless of the promises you’ve made your partner (this time), the partner who is working to win back the relationship classically quits.  This happens because it is tough.  If you quit, you lose. 
    After a heart-break it is often like an addiction; can you make it to the 90th day?  If you can stay straight and narrow for 90 days, you have a very good chance of making it. 
    (A guy may mourn for 50 years of his life for the one who got away and it may have only taken 1 year to fix the problem.)
  4. Be The Fairy-Tale Everyone wants the Fairy-tale.  You just have to figure out the fairy tale which resonates with your partner. 
    Often the Partner is highly aware of the characteristic Prince Charming does not possess:
    •    Prince Charming doesn’t yell or swear at his partner.  (Especially in Public.)
    •    Prince Charming doesn’t make his wife/girlfriend feel small.  (Ever.)
    •    Prince Charming doesn’t have to be right.
    •    Prince Charming doesn’t put his partner down as the butt of a joke in public. 
    Prince Charming is always Nice, Polite, & Thoughtful
    Being nice, charming and thoughtful is actually attractive.  It also often disappears in long-term relationships.  Being the nice guy may assist in mending a broken heart. 
    It isn’t as popular in the teen years yet it is sexy within a relationship once you’ve been burned.  The nice guy will finish first in the long run of a real life relationship with a mature, confident woman.
  5. Be the Man She Fell in Love with It isn’t about being someone new; it is often about returning to the ‘Real You’. 
    If you are in a long, term relationship; who were you when you met?
    •    A person who stood up for her and made her feel safe?
    •    A person who loved to laugh?
    •    A person who was in shape? 
    •    A person with a love for ….’golf?’….’sports?’ ….’cooking?’
    •    A person who was light-hearted and easy-going
    Take the challenge to write down the behaviors of you and your interests when you met     your wife/girlfriend.  Are you doing these things now? 
    Write down characteristics of your personality you believe attracted your partner, how     is this different than the behavior which drove her away?

For more information, including details on Didi's new book, The Confident Woman, visit her website.

   
 

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