Being attractive is much more than physical characteristics. If a book has an amazing cover, but doesn't have anything on the inside you will get bored quick! It is the same for people and relationships. We need more. It has been said, "You can always get skinnier; you can't get a personality!" Although it varies by person, there is a combination of the right characteristics which make a person attractive. Psychotherapist and Life Coach Didi Zahariades joined us. She says focusing on these 4 basics will build the foundation for any person to become more attractive.
It starts with your face, but not in the way most of us think. This is literal, what attracts a person?
A Smile. A smiling person is more attractive to most people. A smile exudes confidence. It makes it easy to move closer to a person when he appears safe and approachable. Is a smile natural for you or difficult? If it is the later, this is an excellent skill to develop. Start smiling at strangers! It takes practice, but the results are worth it. Remember, like attracts like. If you smile, you most likely will make the other person smile. This leads to feeling happy; now you are the person who made her feel happy. This is attractive!
Fact: According to a study, we're more likely to find someone attractive if members of the opposite sex are smiling at them. Women rated men more attractive after they had been shown images of other women smiling at them. As did men. This supports the concept of the popular boy/girl that everyone wanted to be friends with in high school. Learn to smile at others not just those you want to attract.
Eye Contact: If you connect visually with a person, it increases your chance of communicating. When you are comfortable with eye contact, it attracts another person because it appears as if you are self-assured. Once engaged, eye contact makes the other person feel as if you are interested. Not everyone is able to maintain eye contact comfortably (without being creepy); this is a skill which requires practice.
You become more attractive when you ask questions and show interest. When you get the other person talking about herself, the result is an overwhelming belief you are caring, considerate, thoughtful, interested, and all the other good characteristics which go with this type of person.
Also if you are interested in a person, he automatically creates you in to a more attractive person because it becomes a reflection of him. "If you are interested in me, I want you to be an interesting and attractive person too!"
Listen to the person talking--really listen! Be cautious of focusing on what you are going to say as opposed to responding to what the other person actually said. The ability to listen is extremely attractive because so few people have strong listening skills.
A person who has an interest in her family, her job, and her health --- is attractive! Whether you are speaking to your husband of 20 years or your boyfriend of 3 months, no one wants to hear about your kids 24/7. (Or your horrible mother 24/7 or how difficult your job is 24/7 or any one subject non-stop!) It is important to have a variety of ways to manage your stress so you can stay calm without being a stress-case obsessed with one specific thing.
A recent study found that women find less stressed men substantially more attractive than their more-stressed out rivals.
Most individuals are wary of others who are overly negative or judgmental. It diminishes a person's confidence and can sound like criticism or whining when a person rants over an issue or person.
Fact: In order to be balanced self-care is a must. When you focus on the basics: eat, sleep, and exercise, it provides a foundation to being a stable and secure adult. Taking time for yourself will make you more confident because when you feel good you automatically look better! Often how we feel on the inside is emulated on our outside. Life is stressful; you must have a structured plan to offset the demands of your day.
Attractiveness comes from knowing who you are and owning it. You can't fake it long-term and it will come across as disingenuous. Part of being attractive is often being a bit different, having your own opinion and not being afraid to share it. Although a buzz-word in self-help books, when you are authentic you are honest, trustworthy, and real; all characteristics which correlate with confidence and strength in character.
There is only one you. Embrace what makes you special; know what you like; spend time on activities you enjoy; be the best version of you! Whether it is the way you dress or your hobby, being a bit different is attractive. Being authentic gives the impression you are confident. If you like you, others will too!
For more information, including details on Didi's new book, The Confident Woman, visit her website.