Fighting over bills? Why 'your' money is 'our' problem
Q: Each of us came from homes where money was handled differently. In my home dad always paid the bills and in my wife’s home both her mom and dad shared financial matters more.
How do we decide who should pay the bills and balance the checking account?
A: Financial matters have long been one of the most widely reported causes of family discord and almost 80 percent of young couples who divorce by age thirty report that financial problems were a primary cause of the divorce.
It is therefore imperative that you know “who should do what” when it comes to money.
Whether you and your partner have lots of or little cash to spare, it’s always a good idea for partners to share equally the responsibilities of budgeting, investing, and saving money.
When you’re dividing up tasks, consider your talents and interests rather than assume stereotypical roles. Who gets a bigger paycheck doesn’t determine who is more of a financial whiz or the better accountant.
Similarly, some debts may be more emotionally stressful for one partner than for the other. Alimony payments, money owed to family members, doctor’s bills — if there’s a negative connection for one partner, maybe the other could handle writing the checks.
The point is to take as much of the stress out of money in your marriage as possible.
To help you determine the roles each of you will play in your marriage money matters, here is a chart for you to complete:
| Husband |
Wife | Both | |
| Paying the bills |
_____ | _____ | _____ |
| Balancing the checkbook | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Tracking investments | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Tracking expenses | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Setting up a budget | _____ | _____ | _____ |
| Making big purchases | _____ | _____ | _____ |
Once you complete this brief exercise, take a moment to talk about your agreed upon roles. Why is each of you doing certain things? Why are you doing some things together?
The point is to talk about money issues. If you do, you will be a step ahead of most couples who somehow expect money matters to fall naturally into place and then end up wondering why they don’t like the way it turned out.
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Les Parrott, Ph.D. is professor of psychology and founder of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University, and bestselling author of Love Talk, Your Time Starved Marriage and the brand new Crazy Good Sex.
Dr. Parrot has been featured in the New York Times and USA Today. He’s appeared on The View, Good Morning American and Oprah. His website features more than a 1,000 free video Q&A pieces. To learn more, visit RealRelationships.com.