When it comes to reviewing movies, everyone has an opinion and no one is absolutely right and no one is absolutely wrong. This time, however, I really want you to listen to what I have to say. If you enjoy the Alien or Predator series, skip this movie; run away and don’t look back. Pretend like it doesn’t even exist. If you’re feeling tempted to go see Alien vs Predator: Requiem even in the slightest bit, resist with all your willpower.
If I could go back two hours, I would rather take my $7 and flush it down the toilet. If you need to blow some money, donate it to charity, help feed a starving child or help a homeless person in your town. Heck, give it to Donald Trump or Paris Hilton if you have to. Whatever you do, DO NOT, and I mean DO NOT reward 20th Century Fox for dropping this pile of garbage upon the public.
Anyone who’s familiar with KATU’s Movie Guys might remember the video we shot for the original Alien vs Predator back in 2004. We were seriously disappointed. If I could go back in time, I would nominate that film for an Academy Award. As bland and mediocre as it was, that’s how horrendously atrocious the sequel is.
It really says a lot about the corporate culture of Hollywood. 20th Century Fox must think people are complete idiots. Well let me tell you Mr. Producer-Man, I’m no moron. I, like millions of other people, have pumped a lot of cash into your pockets because I’ve really enjoyed these two series. The Alien and the Predator are two of the best movie monsters ever created and to see the level of disrespect you heap upon them is an absolute crime.
I won’t even bother with a synopsis for this film. Suffice it to say, that the end of the last film directly leads into this one and now the aliens and predators are battling it out in small town Colorado. Imagine if you will, two of science-fiction’s greatest creatures getting dropped into a bad episode of a WB network teen drama like The O.C.
Nobody wants to see small-town angst amongst wooden characters with the most amateurish script seen this side of a low-budget straight-to-DVD film. The fact that this piece of trash was written, approved and then filmed by a major Hollywood studio really speaks to the fact of how out of touch these people are and how lazy and stupid they’ve become.
Many people will say "Tony, what were you and Phil thinking?" "Did you expect Gone With the Wind?" Frankly, yes! Let’s not forget that Alien was directed by the great Ridley Scott and that Aliens was written and directed by James Cameron (Titanic) and that Aliens earned Sigourney Weaver an Oscar nomination. On top of that, Predator featured Arnold Schwarzenegger and director John McTiernan (Die Hard) at the peak of their mid-80’s action movie powers. The characters in these films (monsters and humans) were well written, memorable and beloved and to simply write them off as childish cartoons is disrespectful of the master filmmakers and performers that brought them to life.
As if the script wasn’t bad enough, writer Shane Salerno (once regarded as an up and coming force in Hollywood) has resorted to recycling situations, and outright plagiarizing dialogue and characters from previous Alien and Predator movies. This movie even rips off the Ripley/Newt characters from Aliens. What, you thought we wouldn’t notice? The Brothers Strause (who now have the most pretentious name in filmmaking) make the most out of what they have to work with, but I would rather not work than have my name associated with this joke of a film. Forget the stupid characters and bad writing. Even the monster on monster action is tepid, boring, recycled junk containing no thrills, no chills and no scares. This movie wouldn’t frighten a four-year-old.
It’s deplorable! These movies should rock, but this series is dead. Alien: Resurrection was a compete joke and the two Alien vs. Predator movies have both stunk the big one, meaning Fox has now released three consecutive films which have pretty much wasted everyone’s time.
Fans, this is a sad day. Our beloved monsters are truly dead, killed by the money-grubbing greed and flat out lazy stupidity of the fat-cat moron powers-that-be at 20th Century Fox. Shame on you! Shame on you forever, for thinking people are stupid enough to enjoy this garbage. I’ve been known to partake in braggadocio now and then, but I can honestly say that if you locked me and Phil in a room for 48 hours, we could write a more exciting and interesting film than this. There are other things I’d love to say about this movie but KATU runs a family website and I’ve got to keep it clean, despite my real feelings. Based on pure disappointment, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem is easily my worst movie of 2007.
0 out of 5
Rated R
