Detective determines girl's death not the result of bullying
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VANCOUVER, Wash. - Eden Wormer's death became an important topic when some of her family members said she was pushed over the edge by bullies at her Vancouver middle school.
"My sister killed herself because of evil, evil people in this world, people who feel like they have to make fun of them to make themselves feel better," said Audri Wormer last March.
Eden Wormer's death in March brought bullying out into the open. The day after Wormer hanged herself, a friend wrote on her Facebook page: "It's sad to think it took someone to kill themselves for everyone to realize what bullying can truly do."
Another wrote: this is a "wake up call for all of us...right?"
The job of figuring out whether bullies were really to blame fell on Vancouver Police Department Detective Scott Creager.
"You look at a situation like this and you look at this girl and you can't reconcile it. I won't forget this investigation," he said.
The image of Wormer's death and the sadness of a young life gone, linger with Creager as few other cases have in his 28 years as a cop.
After interviewing her eighth-grade classmates at Cascade Middle School, he learned much of Wormer's sadness was due to a breakup with a boy and other family issues. For bullying to be a crime, he has to be able to prove Wormer was threatened with harm.
In a police report Creager wrote Wormer "was actively involved in the rivalry with some other girls ... there is no evidence that one side dominated the other."
He determined bullies were not to blame. But the detective also discovered some kids at the school engaged in risky behaviors.
"These are way off of the norms of what I expect to see, and I think a lot of people expect to see from young teenagers. And obviously some of these things are dangerous," he said.
One of the troubling behaviors is kids slicing their wrists or ankles and "was the newest trend among many students at the school." One of the girls described it as "dramatic people acting out and cutting themselves. ... The purpose for the cutting is an outlet for emotional pain."
On YouTube there are countless videos of kids across the country confessing to cutting.
"It's like a high. It's like something, it's definitely like a high, it's something I've never felt before," one girl says in a YouTube video.
Another troubling behavior Creager discovered evidence of is the choking game. Kids pass out to get a high. But they're triggering seizures, brain damage and injuries falling to the ground. Some kids have even died.
"I think parents need to know that this is out there. I'm not trying to scare people or to cause panic," he said. "If they're not aware of the problem, how are they going to have any response?"
It's true whether it's risky behavior, bullying or finding a way to reach out to kids just confused about life and not quite sure where to turn.
Another important factor the kids told the detective is how fights and rivalries in school are handled differently than when their parents were young. Before texting and Facebook, a fight at school stayed at school - kids could get away from it. Now when they go home it's all over the Internet, and there's no break from the pressure.
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I am sure that it was a combination of things that caused this but9 I would not rule out bullying as a cause.
Ah if your cutting or choking yourself you have a mental problem that needs attention. you should never want to harm yourself anytime. Get help.
I'm highly skeptical that a policeman however thorough and well-intentioned could determine bullying was not the cause.   Interviewing people at the school, hmmmm, would that be the very people who participated in the bullying themselves or were bystanders who did nothing to stop it?  Why on earth would either category or person admit to what was really happening when it would either implicate themselves or bring grief on them from the bullies who are still alive and well at that school? Come on.   Bullying especially among girls can be very subtle as well and at the same time apply tremendous psychological pressure - it is entirely possible that it is still the reason for her suicide. Â
After interviewing her eighth-grade classmates at Cascade Middle School, he learned much of Wormer's sadness was due to a breakup with a boy" In a police report Creager wrote Wormer "was actively involved in the rivalry with some other girls ...
Someone should have explained to her she was going to have many breakups ahead, and it's not the end of the world, there are other guys out there. Kids today have a hard time reasoning, and coping. Sounds like she was involved in several things that the family did'nt even know about.
Bullying is nothing new, everyone has experienced it. The difference is now you are not able to stick up for yourself. If you do you get in just as much trouble as the bully. From a guys perspective, when was the last time you let boys fight? When a guy bullied you, you got him one on one and duked it out, after that the bully gets put in his place and problem solved. Now a days you would be suspended if not expelled for sticking up for yourself or worse be put in jail. Let kids stick up for themselves! Teachers and parents are not always there for you, what will you do when there not there?
 @Oregon_University_of_Made_in_China Nowadays we have to protect the bullies with every excuse in the book.  I'm currently dealing with this situation with my 8 year old son in his cub scouts group.  I told them I would attempt to handle it "their" way ONE time--after the dad explained away his son's bullying as "oh, well, he has disappointment issues."  Well, next time I will make sure that my kid finishes it with his kid flat on the ground on his back.  At least then, he'll leave my son alone.  That said, my son has severe ADHD that I work OT to control, and even with impulse control issues, has never been violent or physically violated someone's space.  He wouldn't be in activities if he did.  I'm so tired of it always being the person in the wrong protected by society today.
 @Melissa Stidham-Clary Wow, Melissa - It is SERIOUSLY not a good idea to threaten someone's child with your name right out there for everyone to see. I hope your child can find someone besides you to help him develop coping skills other than fighting.
 @gofigure  @Melissa Stidham-Clary While I agree that fighting is wrong and should be avoided, it is sometimes the only thing a bully understands.  These are little boys we are talking about, and if nothing else perhaps the scout leader needs to be replaced so the bullying doesn't continue.Â
The choking game was big when I was in school, esp on the school bus... nothing new there. I always thought it was stupid though, and it was usually the kids who couldn't afford to lose more brain cells that took part in it. :P
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Cutting has been around forever. People use it to release emotional pain and find some peace... however that works... I don't know, but neither of these are new and yeah they're troubling... but what are you going to do? We knew and know the dangers, but when you're young the reality doesn't always sink in.Â
If someone is suffering from depression or has other aspects troubling them in their life, sadly bullying at times can be the final straw that causes someone to snap. We've seen it in the past with school shooting, we've seen it recently after people have committed suicide. As a community, as a family, there is a lot more we can do to support those that may be vulnerable, but often times, victims of this may not speak up because they're ashamed of being bullied or harassed or for what they may be going through at home.Â
We have a LOT of bullies on this forum. Some people just never grow up.
As a parent it breaks my heart to see a child take their own life,
but with that said, IMHO the bullies are no more to blame for her death than spoons are to blame for causing  morbid obesity. Â
It's natural to look for others to blame when a troubled individual chooses to takes their own life
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 @danoseknows Not the only reason but with the advent of the web, facebook, and cell phones they can't escape it. When we were young all we had to do was go home after school and it was over, now it's 24/7. It's really too much power for kids that haven't developed the maturity to use it smartly.
 @deejm2112 It is true that if you choose to continue to subject yourself to the taunting via the internet, then you aren't going to get away from it. But that's your choice. You are not required to go on FB or Twitter or even read the text messages on your phone.
You can choose to eliminate your exposure away from school and choose to limit your exposure at school.
It is the reaction that entices the bully. It is about control, in a really twisted way. They feel better about themselves when they put others down and at the same time can control the actions and feeling of those they taunt.
Perhaps FB needs a "punch in face" button for a non violent response to idiots on the web?
 @Owt_Raged I'd love to be able to bury my head in the sand and ignore these issues but they always have a way of coming in your front door -- sometimes literally. In another case a young woman, but it could have easily been a teen, broke up with her boyfriend. He was angry and hurt.  He retaliated by posting on several social networking sites that she wanted to experience a rape fantasy. Later that night she was raped and brutalized in her own home. She had no knowledge the ex did this until police told her. Police also told her they arrested two other men who showed up at her house later that night after she'd gotten away and gotten to safety. I guess I'd pick being bullied over being brutalized any day. And this woman was in her late teens/early 20s.
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As far as getting these images removed, stars have proven that it is next to impossible once they spread. You can only legally order a company to remove an image if the company is in the country you take legal action in. Many national countries could care less because they like the money more. That takes tech savvy researchers who trace back IP addresses through a series of countries to reach the hosting country of origin. It is not easy nor is it inexpensive. That's why they say once these images or stories are out there, consider them part of history.
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In the previous example I mentioned, let's just say that young girl grows up to be a presidential candidate. I'm sure the pictures would get released and her "image" and background would be drawn through the mud. Would you want that woman to be your child's teacher, doctor, or even neighbor? At what point would you consider that image irrelevant? It can't be erased. All you can hope for if it isn't caught early, is that there are too many other images that people focus on first (in other words provide information overload and hope you don't have to pass a lie detector test in explaining how the images got out in the first place).
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Just because you aren't aware a situation exists, it doesn't mean it's not there. Kids can be very callous without understanding the full impact of their actions. I was teased by several kids when I was younger. If the internet had been around, I'm pretty sure I would have at least had my house egged by total strangers and that would have been the polite choice the group of boys would have done to me. Sadly, I really could see them doing something similar in the example I just posted here since they sure seemed to like to show their private parts to me on the bus.
 @CTWU Her parents aren't responsible for the stupid actions of other kids. And really, without having an active "victim" the girl you speak of wasn't "bullied" until someone told her she was. I think at that point, as a parent I would have filed charges and then requested that every site hosting the picture remove or I would file charges against them also.
But I understand what you're saying. Kids will do or say anything they think they can get away with.
 @Owt_Raged Even if your child isn't allowed access to FB, forums, etc., it doesn't mean their classmates aren't. They carry over the school behaviors onto the outside environment (and sometimes even get onto these sites during school). I think I remember a story not terribly long ago (maybe about 5 years ago?) where a girl was photographed changing her clothes in the school locker room. The pictures were posted all over the web and spread like wild fire (initially it started as an emailed photo). The girl wasn't aware this was happening until one of her friends called it to her attention because she wasn't allowed access to the sites the photos had been posted to (and she listened and obeyed her parents). So, although you can monitor your child, you can't monitor what other people do and say about your child... And that crap is out there for the rest of their lives.
 @deejm2112 I haven't so far.... Being a parent, isn't a part time job and it's definitely not for sissys! ;-)
 @Owt_Raged I agree but never underestimate the power of peer pressure.
@deejm2112 Maybe our kids need to learn to unplug from the 24/7 electronics. If they don't have the phone & computer stuck to their face constantly then they CAN escape it. It sounds like this girl did have friends, she wasn't completely ostracized. I really think parents need to teach kids to go PLAY (& I'm not talking video games!)
 @deejm2112 "I was a fringe person..."
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Lol! We called ourselves the geeks / nerds / freaks / outsiders (it sometimes changed depending on why we needed a title) and were proud of it! You would certainly have been welcome in our group! I think something seems to happen that makes the middle school years especially difficult (which could carry over into high school/adulthood).
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 @katiemcc  @deejm2112 I know, and like many I was bullied, way more in lower grades than high school though. I personally do take my hats off to the class mates in high school though. I was a fringe person and they accepted and never bullied me.
Interesting. I met a family at the local supermarket whose daughters were friends of this girl. They said she was bullied via Facebook and at school. Bullying is not always holding people down and cutting off their hair. It is ostracizing, excluding from the social group, demeaning and making life a living hell.
@Colin Brown If only there was a way to avoid comments on facebook from people who are being jerks. Someone should email Mark Zuckerberg and have him add some sort of privacy settings to his website.
Not to condone being a jerk to someone for no reason in person or online, but there are ways to avoid it online...pretty simple ones really.
So this police officer totally believed the people who may have bullied the girl and put the blame on the family.. WoW
I believe the sister ... She was the one closest to the feelings of the person who died.. Sad..
 @dougrpdx The sister blamed bullying, but never even mentioned that her sister had broken up with a boyfriend.  The officer didn't say she had not been bullied, but that she hadn't been being threatened.  There are bullies everywhere and you'll find them throughout your life.  If you kill yourself rather than figuring out that it's up to YOU to learn how to handle being bullied, then unless you were actually threatened, I really can't see blaming the bullies.  The officer was also considerate enough not to tell us about the girl's problems at home, which the sister had just shoved away as not being important.
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I dislike bullies intensely and always have. Â But I always knew that what they said meant that they were nasty ... it didn't "stick" to me. Â If you don't know that instinctively, your parents should be aware enough to help you to learn that.Â
 @SilverGuardian Silver, I have to agree with what you said. Taking all sides of the situation and evaluating what happens then seeing how it fits the current Washington Statutes, Detective Creager did an extensive look into Eden Wormer's life and death. According to Washington Statutes, I have to agree with the detective's findings. Nothing publicly presented, anyway, seems to meet the requirements of RCW 9A.36.080: Malicious Harassment.
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Was Eden ever bullied? Undoubtedly. Did it possibly contribute to her death? Probably. But it didn't fall under the legal guidelines of malicious harassment. And it wasn't the immediate cause (it could have been an immediate reactionary cause but not the underlying reason) of her decision to take her own life.
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I feel so sorry for Eden's friends and family. I understand, too, that they are looking at others to help take some of the blame. Sometimes we never do get to know or understand why a loved one takes his or her own life. We don't know what that last straw was. And we don't publicly know her life. Sadly, we only know her death.
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As far as cutting and the choking game, sheesh. Those were going on when I was in school, too, more than 30 years ago. Nothing new. New trend? Maybe. I remember back when Marilyn Manson was accused of encouraging cutting and self-mutilation. I didn't believe that, either. Sometimes trends may get glorified by Hollywood or the media so they cycle through. I suppose it doesn't hurt to remind parents to be aware of their children, their friends, and what is going on in their lives but that isn't anything new, either.
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I have to give credit to Detective Creager for taking an extensive look into Eden's short life. I hope at least some of the information he discovered has provided her family with some peace. I also hope Eden's sister can begin to forgive and accept because I fear she, herself, might become a bully without realizing it. Put the anger toward something positive. Sponsor anti-bullying legislation. Tell Eden's story. But don't let it eat you alive, either.
 @dougrpdx You don't believe the Law Enforcement Officer who was assigned to investigate everyone she knew and interacted with to determine if foul play was involved?
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I'm ok with you not believing the officer. In looking for answers for a young person who killed herself, sometimes there is no blame. She made the decision to end her life.
So just maybe it's "the other issues at home" that create the "desperate need for attention and acceptance" from others outside the "other issues at home".Â
Kids/teens/etc cutting themselves is NOT a new trend.
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 @2nd Baseman Truth.  But unless they physically threaten you, there are ways to walk away unscathed.  I don't generally respond verbally to bullies.  I let them carry on while I sit and wonder what kind of a family life he has, if he must bully others in order to feel he has any self-worth.  Most bullies don't think they are "better" than you ... they have to have people cower in order to get a sense of self worth.  I never cower.  And yes, at 67, I do still run into mental bullies.  Knowing that I never "feel" bullied, means that I have empowered myself to let them be obnoxious without my feeling it has anything to do with me.