Past the Tipping Point: Family left only with questions after Salem teen commits suicide
SALEM, Ore. – What's especially troubling about 16-year-old McKenzie Otjen's death is that there were no textbook warning signs.
She wasn't cutting; she wasn't talking about suicide; she wasn't being bullied online or otherwise. It's why her family says it's so vital for them to share her story.
Instead, McKenzie Otjen was confident, well-liked at school and planning for her future.
"The week before we were filling out scholarship applications and prepping and she was in her junior year of high school," said her father, Jeff Otjen.
It's what made her decision to take her own life on Nov. 16 so difficult for her father and sister-in-law, Jessica Otjen, to comprehend.
Just two months later, what they're able to understand is this: "If McKenzie was capable of going that far and committing suicide – that there is no stereotype to suicide," said Jessica. "There is no type of person that is more at risk than any other."
They believe the worst thing anyone can do is glorify the permanent decision McKenzie made. The best thing everyone can do? Begin a conversation with the kids you know.
"In the past, suicide has been kind of a stigma that nobody wanted to put out in front of anybody and say well, my daughter committed suicide. Yeah she did, and I don't know why," Jeff said. "I wish I did know why. I wish I still had her here with us, but I sure hope this helps another teen or I hope this teaches another person to speak to their teens about the effects of teen suicide."
Mary Jadwisiak, a field coordinator with Washington's Youth Suicide Prevention Program said she's hearing there has been an increase in suicides among teenagers in the region. She said it's hard to say if the suicides are connected.
"We know that when a student sees somebody that they can relate to (who) takes their own life it becomes an option for them," she said. "So if you see someone who you can relate to that solves their problems by suicide, it increases your risk."
She also said not talking about suicide increases risk.
"One of the biggest myths that we have is if we talk about suicide we're going to plant the seed. Not talking about suicide increases the risk," she said. "When a person has an opportunity to talk about how they're feeling it slows down the process, it gives us time to give them the help that they need to process their thoughts and to come up with other options besides suicide."
Jadwisiak said that about 80 percent of people who are thinking about committing suicide give off warning signs. She said it's possible that McKenzie Otjen was in the 20 percent who don't.
While she couldn't speak specifically about McKenzie's situation, Jadwisiak said, "Certainly, I'm not going to tell (the family) that they missed it. Parents know their children better than anyone, which is why it's so incredibly vital for parents to be educated about suicide prevention (and) how to talk to your kids about suicide prevention and get them the help as soon as they can."
McKenzie's family is in the process of putting together a documentary about their ordeal. They want to take a deeply personal look at what happens after a teenager is gone in this way.
Resources for youth:
- Mind Your Mind: A non-profit dedicated to providing reliable information for youth dealing with depression, anxiety, and suicide. The site contains youth-specific resources, tips for coping with mental illness issues, and the personal stories of youth who have experienced and overcome these issues.
- Reach Out: A website for youth, by youth, with information on how to help yourself or a friend who is thinking about suicide. Allows youth to share their stories about overcoming depression and suicide in an online, supportive environment.
- We Can Help Us: A collection of videos made by real teens who have gone through a variety of different challenges and overcome them. Also allows other youth to share their own stories in a supportive environment.
- The Trevor Project: A website dedicated to helping LGBTQ youth dealing with depression, anxiety, and suicide. Also operates a 24-hour crisis hotline, 1-866-4-U-TREVOR.
- The Jed Foundation: A resource for college students containing information about depression and anxiety among college students, and information about how to get help at school.
- Metanoia.org: An online resource that offers information about how to find and contact a therapist, and how to make sure your therapist is right for you. Also offers resources for connecting to a therapist online for 'e-therapy'.
- Teen forum on suicide being held in Battle Ground
Resources for parents:
- Association for Behavioral Cognitive Therapies: Offers information for parents about childhood mental health issues and advice on finding the best treatment for you and your family.
- Lok-It-Up: A campaign to promote the safe storage of firearms. Offers advice on how to safely store firearms and prevent teen firearm suicide.
- ASK Campaign: A website dedicated to gun safety. Information about firearm deaths and tips for preventing your children from gun violence.
Resources for Educators:
- Evergreen Education Association: The Evergreen Education Association is holding a "Diversity and Social Justice Conference" in February with a session that will focus on suicide prevention.
I am happy and thrilled that McKenzie's family is using her story to bring awareness to more people about teen suicide. As her biological mother whom allowed the Otjen family to raise my little girl I am saddened that they choose to share her story with the world but not with me. I am heart broken to have never gotten to know this beauty in which I helped create and hurt the promises of being apart of her life were not kept and now I truly will never know the gift god gave me.
I also wanted to say I thank the Otjen family everyday for the love and support they gave McKenzie and can only hope by them sharing her story it will touch someone enough to reach out to help or ask for help if you are thinking about suicide. I truly hope people will talk to their children about suicide and the other options that are out there.
 I am often blown away by parents like this who continue to love others even after the most devastating thing possible happened to them. Mr. Otjen could be angry and lash out (many people can't cope)...but he is trying to share to help us. It's very caring of him to share his story.
"Don't Give Up"Â
by Peter Gabriel (and Kate Bush)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw
My oldest son committed suicide 3 years ago. Do not tear yourself up trying to figure out why a child or relative committed suicide. They did it! You don't need to go through the rest of your life trying to figure out why. Live your life; don't try to understand theirs!
It does indeed look like she didn't fit the typical view of a suicidal person. They will typically stop all future planning since they cannot imagine or see a future for themselves. Â I'm so sorry that something happened that made her feel that dying was the only way out. My heart goes out to her family and friends.
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I read some of the comments on here and many are just disgusting. When you truly get to the point where you're ready to commit suicide, thoughts of things like cowardice, God, etc. no longer matter to you. As people who have attempted suicide have explained, it's like being in a dark tunnel with no light, no way out. As far as you're concerned, everyone around you would be better if you were gone. Outside of getting help from professionals, there is little that is going to stop you from trying to take your life. If you thought about it, but decided not to, then you probably hadn't made it as far into the "tunnel" as those who actually try. Having been almost there myself, looking back I can definitely see that I wasn't quite as far along as those who do attempt a suicide.
I'd hit
 @beeemdubya You're a pig.
 @beeemdubya wow. smh.
Beautiful girl, sad story....
We need to teach our children that Jesus loves them, otherwise there is no hope for a future beyond this one.Â
 @Just Me We need to teach our children to love themselves, not some character from myth.
 @Just Me What do you tell the Jewish children? Or the Muslim children? That their pain doesn't matter because they don't believe in Jesus?
 @Thebigboot  @Just Me It's not that they don't believe.  They have never been told about Jesus.  Or their culture won't allow them to learn.  It does not mean Jesus loves them any less.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you embark on documenting McKenzie's life. Â Our daughter, too, was bubbly, outgoing, confident, and planning for her future when she committed suicide one cold January day in 2005. Â Sad thing about our case, is that 2 of her friends were aware of this 3 days prior to her doing it and told no one (until after the fact, of course). They assumed they talked her out of it and that she was happy again. Â Oh to have only been told that she even suggested taking her own life, we could have gotten her help before it got that far. Â Good luck as you traverse the road called suicide survivorship. Â It isn't easy, it isn't fun, and it certainly doesn't answer the questions we have that will never be answered. Â XO
 @RuthE I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm thankful for the articles on teen suicide, but I think we need to start at a different beginning. Let's start with the different types of depression - and those signs. Let's add in SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. Those are the beginnings of when someone starts to think of suicide - the melancholy and malaise that just hangs in the air, and doesn't seem to go away.Â
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Depression is a chemical imbalance, and one that can be helped by medications, meditations, and exercise. It takes an arsenal to try and get the balance right, but it can work. But - the person suffering must have an ounce of wanting to do it, and a will to be encouraged to take it on.Â
 @washcomom You are so right and there needs to be more awareness. As McKenzie's biological mom I wish there was more I could have done. As a depression and anxiety sufferer myself I fear it was genetic and could have been prevented. Awareness and family history are so important
"If McKenzie was capable of going that far and committing suicide â that there is no stereotype to suicide," said Jessica. "There is no type of person that is more at risk than any other."
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Depression is a wounded mind. We can place a band-aid on an cut finger but not on our brains. No one can see the wound and often the wounded don't understand why they hurt, they just know the pain. It's difficult to tell someone else whats wrong when the self doesn't know.
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Depression strikes everyone, and everyone copes differently. It is my belief that there is a common cause of depression and that is a lack of hope. Depression sufferers often want to please the people around them so they will say or do things against their inner feelings.
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Hope by definition is-Â A desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable. Hope differs from wish and desire in this, that it implies some expectation of obtaining the good desired, or the possibility of possessing it. Hope therefore always gives pleasure or joy; whereas wish and desire may produce or be accompanied with pain and anxiety.
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For any who cares to know, there is an absolute truth and hope. You can have a true desire of some good.
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Ask me how I know.
 @3X07 Not all depression is caused by lack of hope. Certainly people who have depression can have lack of hope, but it is a very real chemical imbalance of the brain. And one cannot think themselves happy, or create other ways of being happy without some sort of re-balancing of the brain chemicals.Â
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Ask me how I know.
 @washcomom  @3X07Â
'Â but it is a very real chemical imbalance of the brain'
Indeed. And... it can be seen (imaged) in the brain. Â
Hope, faith, surrender, listlessness are nice descriptors and motivators, but you can actually SEE the off-kilter chemistry at work in the brain. Â Comes down to simple biology, physics at some point,
 @washcomom  @ThePosterFormerlyKnownAsPhredE  @August100Â
I'm suggesting a cause not a result. What is causing the the chemistry imbalance.
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If one can pin chemical imbalances to mental disorder "cause", then one is subject to another persons belief in good/bad. Because "I" can see a quantitative result based on "my" expertise, "I" can say it's good or bad. Example; if i believed my behavior is based on a chemical imbalance, then I am subject to authority (doctors, government, employers, religious doctrine) determining my purpose.
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A very serious problem in our society today is the "believe in yourself" mantra. Kids are smart. They have an entire world before their eyes. To them there are no limits. Some are so smart that they have deduced at an early age that our world is in decay. That the world is full of people clawing at each other for personal gain. They come to that decision because we shove it in their face. Look at the over burdening debt we have heaved on our children. Sure go to college, go deeper in debt, maybe get a job and if they do they are debt slaves to the generations before them. The public school system is designed to herd them down a path to be loyal slaves to the system. If they try to get off that path they are assured destruction or a less than normal lifestyle, so they are taught. The pressure is huge on the ones that figure it out. The pressure is already huge transitioning from youth to adulthood. When these kids get around kids that just go with the flow, they feel lonely and powerless. When they believe in themselves they get confused. We parents expect them to just conform and grow up. A lot of them grow up to become adults with no hope. Need say more?
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There is hope in Jesus. Jesus loves all of us. He is hope. Nothing else serves as true hope. "to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." col 1:27
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Test your hope. If the end result is decay, death, temporal, then its a false hope and you will not find happiness and joy. God said âFor God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
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Jesus loves you too!
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 @ThePosterFormerlyKnownAsPhredE  @3X07 @August100 Exactly! That's why one cannot "think" themselves healthy on that point.Â
 @washcomom Physical health plays a role for sure. Without hope, a desire of some good, one doesn't go looking for solutions other than an end of life.
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This is a matter of mind not the body. Attributing the cause to a chemical imbalance suggest there is no purpose. Without purpose there is no hope. We have a purpose. This I know. :)
 @washcomom  @3X07 Ask any Psycho-Wacko "What's the CHEMICAL IMBALANCE RATIO?" and they will tell you "There's NO TEST for that; it's a theory"....
I remember when I was very young and my dad told me something that comes to me anytime I feel that life is hopeless. He said "only cowards commit suicide". I can't and I won't speak for girls but I will speak for boys because that is what I is! As a boy, I always wanted to think I was pretty tough kid so the last thing I ever wanted to be known for was being a coward. I really think that saved me a time or two, I am now 61 yrs. old. and have survived a few challenges along the way. Yes, I have thought a few times that the only answer was to end it all, but them I remember what dad told me and then I pick myself up by the boot straps and move forward. Easier said then done, no, but easier then accepting the fact that I am a coward.
 @swimbad That is the same thing my dad told me.  Suicide is "the lazy mans out"  I know most will think that sounds cruel but It really helped me through some trying times.  I always looked at it this way.  You can always find a million reasons to end your life, but you only need one reason to keep living. Â
Mr. Otjen, thank you for reaching out in your grief to try to help other people. I am sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I hope you can eventually be at peace.
Again the best resource was overlooked, There are many pastors, padre's, ministers.........in the portland area, or any city or town that would make themselves available 24-7. God is the best resource and has given us teachers to help us help not only our children, but others. Quit trying to figure out what went wrong, start trying to figure out how to fix it!
 @ghost rider One way to figure out how to fix things is by analyzing what went wrong. God gave you brains - use them.
gofigure, I agree, Analyzing what went wrong helps us to determin where a problem might be, not always (as per this story). It still doesnt keep your children safe. If we kept our children involved with God, the chances of Teen suicide would decrease. Since you yourself Recognized that God gave me brains, You also have to believe!
@ghost rider ; Religion has killed more people in history than any other motivator. How does that make "God" the answer.
 @jweimer  @ghost rider PROVE IT.
 No offense, but your argument holds no water
Are you still breathing?
BELIEVE, Quit Blaming GOD for your down falls, Take responsibility for yourself. I will pray for you.
Didn't God make us who we are? Doesn't that mean he is responsible for our shortcomings?
Did I miss something here? What's with the onslaught of depressing stories pertaining to suicide?! Is there NOTHING cheery going on!?
 @Ontheinside It's all the rain and no sun shine.
 @Ontheinside Possible a larger than average number of teen suicides? The stories are more useful than the latest rapper's latest baby-momma or some starlet's DUI.
I don't know about other people, but in my opinion the worst part of it is that my brain just wants to rationalize with the person about the decision to do this. My what I considered a little sister took her life on New Year's Day this year. I was literally driving to her funeral and I caught myself thinking "I need to talk to her about this" it freaking sucks.......... I have never been so sad / absolutley mad in my entire life....... Still pissed...............
That's beautiful picture of McKenzie with beautiful fall leaves in the background. May she rest in peace.
From personal experience, I wonder if she thought her life was going TOO well and was afraid the shoe was going to drop and it'd be taken away/it'd disappear in a flash. I had a friend in high school who did that. Her life was going too well and she wanted to die being happy than risk having her whole world crumble beneath her feet. Thankfully, they got her to the hospital in time, but despite being upset and angry with her for trying, I could relate and understand when she explained it to me.Â
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I hope her family finds peace eventually, and realizes it wasn't their fault.
The moral of the story: Keep your kids as far away from those Psycho-Wackos!
@August100 that's not the moral of the story go back to kindergarten and get your reading comprehension skills back
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 @Mike Smith At least your comment is so stupid no one will take it seriously.
 @Mike Smith What a sick comment!
I had a step son who was suicidal. So I would make comments about it to him at key moments such as, suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem, I would tell him life has it's ups and downs, one minute you are depressed as hell and the next you are having the time of you life on a roller coaster. Years later he told me this saved his life.. Being open is always the best way to go..
 @dougrpdx Great job dougrpdx! We need more step parents like you.
 @dougrpdx I am happy that your advice helped your stepson. I think it's very good advice for someone contemplating suicide, especially a young person. Unfortunately, sometimes depression is not a "temporary problem" but a permanent one, which does not respond to any medications or other form of therapy. At such times especially, it is so unfair to call suicide a "selfish" action. At such times, we have to remember above all, to love the one who took his/her life.