Friends search for missing father: 'It's completely baffling to us'
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PORTLAND, Ore. – Friends and family crisscrossed North Portland on Wednesday morning handing out fliers in an attempt to find a father last seen several days ago.
The last his family heard from him, Matthew McConnell-Hegland, 29, was at the Twilight Room bar in North Portland on Friday night into early Saturday morning.
Around 2 a.m. on Saturday, McConnell-Hegland texted his wife Ricci to say everything was fine and that he was staying at a friend’s apartment in North Portland, she said. He never returned home the next morning.
Matthew’s friends said he wasn't in the apartment when they woke up, Ricci said.
Detectives have started an investigation and think Matthew may be suffering from some kind of mental health crisis.
On Christmas morning, without their father, Ricci said she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to open any presents with their four children. The kids have been asking where dad is, and Ricci can only tell them he is at work.
"It's hard not being able to just sit down, talk about our days and things like that," Ricci said.
Ricci let the children open some presents, but is saving the rest for when Matthew returns.
"You want to be able to tell them that you know he's coming home," she said. "But I can't tell them that and then worst comes to worst. And I can't tell them he's not coming home so he does come home."
Ricci said her and her family and taking the ordeal "day by day."
She said his bank accounts haven't had any activity and he doesn't have a car. It's as if he simply vanished. The couple had been attending church regularly and weren't having any other problems, Ricci said.
On Wednesday morning, friends combed North Portland with fliers about Matthew’s disappearance.
“It’s completely baffling to us,” said sister-in-law Amy Gilkey. “To not come home for his wife and kids especially is the part that’s the most unusual. He’s never done anything like this before.”
Erica Martinez also volunteered her time to drop into Portland businesses and ask to put up the missing person flier.
“A wife, four kids, it’s Christmas time; what happened?” Martinez wondered. “I can’t imagine being those kids. It’s Christmas time and not knowing where your dad is.”
Matthew is about six feet tall and 180 pounds with brown hair and light facial hair. He was last seen wearing beige pants, a green polo and a black jacket, police said.
If you see Matthew, police ask you to call 911. If you have non-emergency information, you can call Detective Anthony Merrill at (503) 823-4033.
More: Facebook page set up by Matthew's family and friends
KATU News reporters Dan Cassuto, Bob Heye and Lincoln Graves and KATU.com producer John Tierney contributed to this story.
Did the friend who he texted his wife saying that he stayed overnight actually see him? Could he have texted he was staying there but did not? Could someone else have texted his wife?
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I was responding back to some who said he disappeared Xmas eve and typed the wrong day in, that was my typo! Matt disappeared Dec 22nd. ALL WE WANT IS TO HAVE HIM HOME SAFE AND SOUND WITH HIS FAMILY PERIOD. I AM his aunt he is married to my sister daughter. I have choosen to now not read these comments and continue to search and post flyers ,
something bothers me here: his aunt has posted on here that the bar he was attending the birthday party was close to his home but yet he took a cab back to a friends place instead of taking a cab back to his own wife and kids.. One NEVER knows someone 100% ,you know what they want you to see. Pretty crappy if he dipped out on them,Even worse if his friends know something and are hiding it..I am praying for this family that he is found safe & just took a break for awhile. Either way my heart goes out to his wife :(Â
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Sometimes the best of men (and women) get overwhelmed at times of stress and can snap. It sounds like this is a good father/husband, and that might be the case here.  I hope he's okay because he is a needed member of that family.Â
Praying that he returns saf;ey back to his children and wife!
Has anyone searched the woods in Pier Park near the apartment complex where he was last seen?
 @Mikey they are doing that today. https://www.facebook.com/findingmattm?ref=ts&fref=ts
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 @Dr. Rawdog He's not the type. I know him from work. He's very quiet, at least as far as I've known him.
 @Dr. Rawdog Yes. His wife.
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 @Dr. Rawdog Not for some people. :-P
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 @P An M Davis I hope he's found safely.
 @P An M Davis Not for nothing but the last thing I would be doing is reading the comments here...bunch of arm chair sleuth nut jobs here....myself included.
@P An M Davis I thought he was mising since Friday night/Saturday morning. He went out again on Christmas Eve? Does that mean the family heard/saw him again?
 @CRB He was out on Friday night, into early hours Sat. morning. 1:30am was the last time he was heard from, via a text message it sounds like.
 @CRB  @Lalahulu Maybe she isn't his aunt. Just because she says so doesn't make it so.  Then to post the wrong date that he went out it odd.  I don't think if she was authentic she would be that careless.
@Lalahulu That's what I thought but then his "aunt" above said yes, he went out on Christmas Eve. Just confused me if someone from the 'family' knew something different.
Thank you.
We're praying for Matt's family and hope he returns to his loving and forgiving wife and children soon.
Just like the prodigal son, all can be forgiven and put behind us. "For this son of mine was dead and is alive again;Â he was lost and is found."
I wonder if he went in to a hospital or some where to get help.? Or Did he ..EHL.
 @lee986321 oh please don't think like that! hospitals have certainly been checked. please have hope with us :)
What I'm not understanding is that first I read that the family is "baffled "by his disappearance. Then you read that he might be having some kind of mental issue. So...things weren't apparently that great if he has some kind of mental thing going on....so what's so baffling??? There's always more to the story then what you read :(
 @fracas I'm sure you'd be baffled if a good friend or family member of yours suddenly disappeared. A "mental health crisis" can come on this suddenly.
 @fracas Have you ever been in a situation where you think everything is normal but, once a "group" of people get together and compare notes you realize that it isn't?  I've had it happen several times in my life.  What you might think is odd or a quirk, you might collectively realize is completely out of character for someone.  The family and friends probably had a chance to compare notes and add up the "that seems odd" list and see that, indeed, something might be off in Mr. McConnell-Hegland's behavior.
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The specifics don't need to be played out in the media unless they are relevant to the story (like if a friend steps forward and says he was talking about leaving his family -- THAT might be an important clue but speculation does nothing positive).
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If you ever have dealt with anyone with a traumatic brain injury, you'd be amazed at how quickly their personality and behavior can change!
 @CTWU  @fracas I can relate as I am with some one with TBI, and if I ever act nuts on here, don't take it personally.. I am just going insane. The problem is some times doesn't know they are sick.
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As I once said, those that know that they have an issue and accept that they have an issue can readily get help, but it is the sick that realize that they are not sick that need the most help. I said that to a doctor once..And he said " agreed."
 @fracas It's baffling because no one has any idea why he is missing.  If he is "choosing" to not come home that would be wildly out of character for him and "some kind of mental issue" is people trying to understand why he would do something so out of character.
Exactly HarryJuku....apparently what HE wanted to do was much more important than Christmas with his kids. They are probably used to his neglect.
 @pam He's a dedicated and loving father and husband. There is nothing selfish in a "mental health crisis."
 @pam Pam, you should stop talking out of your backside,
and quit projecting your behavior onto others.
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You know nothing about Matt.
@pam Friday night wasn't Christmas and I'm not sure where you are coming from with your comment but it doesn't seem like a kind or compassionate place.
 @pam This is response to "HarryJuku" as well. You obviously do not know Matt.  The title of the article states says "it's baffling to us".  It is absolutely out of the ordinary for him to not have gone home.  He is a great father and works hard for his family.  His wife, who knows him a lot better than you do, refers to him as a great father.  Why don't you just say nothing Instead of making a blanket judgement about someone you don't know that is hurtful to a family that is already undergoing an unbelievable circumstance.
You must not know HarryJuku...he is a troll, nothing more.
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 @HarryJuku That is offensive to the family. I hope people flag this off of here. You are sick for posting that.
 @HarryJuku Newsflash: Some people have large family by choice, Some people work hard to support their family.  Please do us a favor and go back under your bridge.
 @HarryJuku  @Matt NO  it doesn't. Not in the real world which you neither live in nor visit.
I also know the kids, they are too young to understand any of this. Â Even if they were told the truth and really at this point, what TRUTH is there to tell? Â He is missing, it could be foul play, it could be stress: we don't know. Â
 @akmiles That is the truth.  You give age-appropriate answers to the kids.  Let them understand that, sometimes, things happen that you can't control and don't understand.  They're watching the adults in their life right now to find out how to react and what "normal" is.  If you cry, cry.  They'll understand adults can and do have a reason for that.  If you laugh and enjoy the comfort and friendship, don't feel guilty about being happy, either.  Again, the kids need to see this as well.  That's all part of telling them the truth.  Let them know they are safe and loved.  And that, even if something changes in the future, they are cared for and honored.  Life has to go on but keeping them out of the loop only will confuse them more.  There's nothing wrong with saying "We miss Daddy, too, and we don't know where he is."  That's the truth.
 @CTWU  @akmiles well said.
 @whirledworld  @akmiles Thank you.
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I should probably add that what you don't necessarily share with them is speculation. Â If they ask if dad is coming back, the answer is "I/We don't know." Â If they ask if dad is dead, the same response. Â If they ask what you think happened, they are at least old enough to hear *some* of the speculation (because they'd probably hear it at school anyway) but not dwell on any one idea (unless evidence points in a certain direction).
 @akmiles I think they should go ahead and open presents to try to keep the stress level lower for the kids.Â
Non of you incredible rude people know him.  He is a very nice man, a family man.  You know what he was at a friends birthday party, that's why he was out.  I suppose non of you people who assume the worst has ever gotten drunk at a friend's 20 something birthday party.  This bar is very close to his home, the friends are people he has known since high school.  Don't act like you know the circumstances, shame on you.  He was trying to be responsible and not wake up a house full of  children after a night if fun with longtime friends.  Isn't that what you do when you are trying to do the right thing?  Take a cab?  As for the n Portland comment.  Really cause you spend so much time there I suppose.  That's like saying eww the bus mall without taking in to account that the Pearl District happened.  You probably live in Canby.  Stick with what you know folks, the rest is just your need for drama.  This is a sad thing, nothing else.  Stop wagging your finger, this is a family in pain.Â
 @akmiles Please FLAG as OFFENSIVE  any and all posts that trash this guy and his family to get the trolls posts removed from this thread. Thx. Hoping for the best for this family man to be found safe and sound.
 @akmiles Walk away from the message boards.  They can get ugly, really fast.  Especially when you are involved in the situation the news article is describing.  Sadly, that is the negative side effect of not having to give your identity on the message boards.  If it is hard to read, realize most people see the "junk" for what it is.
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FWIW, I hope he is found safe and quickly. Â And answers will prevail in private not on a public forum.
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 @HarryJuku  @brautigan I hope K2 kicks you off of here asap. You are nothing but a troll in this family's pain and you are contributing nothing of value to this or most any thread on here.I flagged you and hope others follow suit.  I find your posts sickeningly offensive on this thread. Troll.
Nothing good ever happpens after midnight. Especially in North Portland.
 @Rob C 503 Nothing good happens when you get drunk on Christmas Eve when you have 4 kids and a wife at home.
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Trying to be responsible, yea right....what good friend would take you away from your family just to celebrate a b-day.....you can do that any time. The whole group sounds like losers to me.
 @pam No, just you Pam.
 @pam  @Rob C 503 Moronic post. Cannot even read a news story correctly.
 @pam  @Rob C 503 Try reading.  He went to celebrate a "b-day party" FRIDAY night, not Christmas Eve.
@Rob C 503 What movie was that line from?
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I think what to tell the kids depends on their ages and levels of maturity, and the demeanor of the adult(s) who are talking to them. Â Certainly, telling a 2-year-old that "daddy's missing" won't be very productive...at that age, they just won't understand... Â Older kids, though...well, again; it depends on how mature they are... some 5 and 6-year-olds are old enough to understand "we don't know yet where Daddy is"... but a lot also depends on how the adult presents the information. Â If the adult is calm and rational, the kids will probably respond accordingly... conversely, if the adult is hysterically swooning all over the place and having a major crying-jag, the kids are going to figure out real quick that there's something wrong (even if nobody knows that yet).
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I hope this man is OK, and that he's found soon... Â
Pushing thirty with four kids and a wife... That's a lot of pressure. Hopefully he's just having a moment and will return safe and sound.
 @Lips Thank you for actually wishing well to a hurting family unlike some people here.
 @Matt  @Lips Welcome to the anonymous world of online posting where people say things they wouldn't otherwise say (or they get misunderstood).  It is best to ignore the negative posts (don't even try to defend anyone on them if you're directly involved with the news article -- I've seen it really break hearts) or not read the comments at all.
 @CTWU  @Matt  @Lips Better yet, FLAG the OFFENSIVE posts and get the sickos off of this thread.