City tells grieving mom to take down son's roadside memorial
HILLSBORO, Ore. – The city of Hillsboro is telling a woman who lost her son in a skateboarding accident to take down the roadside memorial set up to remember him.
"We come here knowing he took his last breath here on his own and in some silly way we think maybe he can hear us here," says Scotty O'Connor's mother, Andrea.
But the city says it can no longer ignore complaints from the public about the memorial located on Southeast Imlay Avenue.
The family says the memorial is actually saving lives, because it promotes their charity aimed at getting people to wear helmets. But the city told Andrea the memorial had to go by next week.
Scotty wasn't wearing a helmet when he hit his head while skateboarding that day one year and one month ago. His mother still comes to the memorial to talk to her son, the lovable, big bear of a high school football star.
"There’re days of anger, but most of the days, I'm telling him I love him," Andrea says.
Friends put up the memorial on public property, which the family keeps well tended. It's a regular destination for Scotty's friends. And through their 4scotty.org charity website, the family has inspired others to wear helmets while skateboarding.
But the city says one year is enough for the memorial to stand and some neighbors have complained.
"(They) say it's depressing, it's sad, 'I don't want to look at it anymore' – others that are really concerned about the distraction that it causes on the side of the road," says Mary Loftin, Hillsboro's spokeswoman.
On Tuesday Andrea went to the City Council.
"We're coming to you because we have nowhere else to go," she said.
It turns out her efforts exposed a loophole in city law that doesn't regulate roadside memorials. The city got its one-year deadline from county law.
"We think during the time of this review, that it would be appropriate that the memorial could stand as it is during the review period of time temporarily until we can figure out what an actual policy would be," Hillsboro parks director, Steve Greagor, told city councilors.
That means the memorial can stay for a few more months at least.
"I am satisfied that they're willing to listen," Andrea says.
Andrea also says she's fine with replacing the memorial by planting a tree nearby, but the city says it's not a suitable place for a new tree because it's such a narrow spot and utilities run through it.
A young man died across the street from my home after he plowed his car through my yard. Â It was very devestating to the neighborhood and especially to me and one neighbor where he hit the side of their house, and died there. Â His family erected a cross and flowers right on the side of my yard in the easment.
I HATE IT, Â Every day morning and evening I am reminded of that terrible accident. Â WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO RELIVE IT DAILY? Â Why should my neighborhood be "branded" like this? Â Who gave them the right to set up a memorial without the courtesy of at least ASKING us if we would mind?
Yes, I felt very very bad for this family. Â But, it gives them no right to take it upon themselves to set up any memorial with out considering the feelings of others.
If this give the mother some solitude, then let it be. I would rather see that than some of the trashed out houses that litter our neighborhoods.
Personally i just think that the people complaining about the road side memorial just don't understand a mothers love for their child most likely because they(people that are complaining about the memorial) were neglected as children and never shown the love and dedication that Scotty's mom has shown to her children.
I cannot believe some of the heartless posts on here. Â Some of you need a lesson in humility and caring about your fellow man. Â What has caused some of you to be so judgmental about something you know nothing about? Â
I shake my head in disgust at the uncaring and unfeeling people that are in this world. Â I hope none of you have to go through the unbelievable heartache the O'Connor family has gone through, but if you did, I would show you compassion and caring. Â Â Treat others the way you want to be treated. Â
Also, the O'Connor family would show you compassion and caring, every single one of them. Â They are a loving and caring family and Andrea O'Connor couldn't be a better Mom. Â Â Shame on all of you who are cruel and spiteful. Â
Roadside memorials are simply not appropriate, regardless of the sadness of the family or the good work their charity does. This is not a judgement against the family, simply that throwing up crosses all over the place, especially on public land is not acceptable. A few days maybe, a month at tops, but a year is far too long.Â
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Good luck with the drive to educate the public on the need for helmets, its worthy and noble cause. Perhaps its time to make a memorial for Scotty in a more private location.Â
 @Ann Nonny First off who is to say what is appropriate or not...seriously you sound like my mom and what makes you the expert on what is acceptable or not. And you say a year is far to long, Well i say a year is far to short.Â
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Perhaps its is time to for the blogging expert to keep her advice to the confines of a more private location
 @Ann Nonny Another ignorance is bliss case. I really wish the people that post on here would take the time to find out the whole story if they are going to add their two cents. This has nothing to do with keeping a cross on the side of a road. Ok, so you are an atheist, that is your prerogative. No one has stated that they want to keep a cross there. Geez, how far does ignorance spread and where does it stop?
Allow me to set the record straight for all of you that have nothing better to do with your lives than talk shit about Scotty's cross and bring down a still grieving family/community. Scotty was my best friend and I was with him on the night that he died. I was right behind him when he fell off of his board and I was there to 'save' him from drowning face down in a pool of his own blood. I was also there for his last breath before the paramedics had to start breathing for him. Trust me when I say that I never want anybody to have to go through that kind of experience. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemies. I watched the life leave my best friends eyes, I knew he was dead 2 days before he was taken off of life support and officially pronounced dead and you think I feel bad? His mother lost her only son and some of you guys have nothing better to do than bring the whole family down. Shame on you. Unless you personally know the whole situation and the family and the people involved, then keep your stupid comments to yourself. You look and act like unedumacated dummies. Everybody is entitled to their opinions and I can respect that but would you have the balls to say some of those nasty things to theirs or my faces? No? Ok, then shut the fuck up. Some of you people are real cowards hiding behind your computer trying to bring people down because their actions and opinions don't coincide with yours.
I visit Scotty's cross all the time and still see kids bomb that hill everyday. In all the years I've been longboarding I don't think I ever saw one helmet on anybody going down that hill, the reason being is it's not that big of a hill. I've done it a million and a half times without a helmet and had some gnarly crashes and I'm still here today. But all it takes is one ill timed fall and landing in just the right way to end it all. It just goes to show that the whole sport in general should be taken more seriously and his cross is a reminder to our whole community (minus a few assholes) and I've seen first hand the good it's done. In the last year I've seen more helmets on kids than I've ever seen before. Whether they're at the local skatepark, bombing hills around town, or just riding through the neighborhoods, helmet use in our community has increased at least tenfold.
Andrea, Scotty's mom, has been on a mission the last year to get helmets on every kid she sees riding a skateboard, roller blades, bikes, etc. without one. She literally drives around in her car loaded up with helmets to hand out to kids that she sees without em and takes the opportunity to educate kids and parents alike on the life saving ability helmets have and give em her first hand experience on the potentially tragic outcome of riding with unprotected noggins. In other words, she doesn't want Scotty's death to be in vain. Yeah, she's still grieving but give her a damn break, she lost her only son to something that could've easily been prevented. I think she is one of the strongest people alive. How many people do you know that have taken an utter tragedy and flipped it into something positive? I'd like to think that her giving out free helmets to kids has already saved a life or 2 or at the very least saved a few kids from a visit to the ER.Â
So you guys can take all of your comments about the legality of having a memorial set up at the bottom of the hill and shove em up your asses. This is more than about what's legal and illegal, this is about right and wrong. Not all laws are in place to help people, they're in place to keep things 'fair' and in keeping things 'fair' we've missed an opportunity to teach the younger generation of our mistakes and at that point we're doomed to repeat history. If having a cross or a bench or planting a new tree or whatever at the bottom of the hill makes just one kid think to wear a helmet then that's potentially a life saved and to me that right there makes it worth it. And who is it hurting by just being there? Geeze, for some of you guys it's like the mere existence of his little cross tucked into a little spot of grass (which is better kept than city maintenance workers') is directly affecting your life in such a bad way that you're fighting to get it taken down. There are thousands of people in this community who are positively affected by the cross everyday as opposed to the 3 or 4 who seem to be getting smacked across the face by it. I'm not saying that his cross has to stay forever, as much as I'd like it to. I'm saying that there needs to be a permanent reminder there of the dangers of riding without helmets/safety gear. Having a bench set up in some random ass city park with just Scotty's name on it won't teach kids a damn thing and I can guarantee you another life will be lost in the same way sooner or later.Â
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Dude. Respect!
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 @Z Z do you wear your helmet every time you board or bike?
 @Z Too bad you didn't care enough about your friend to encourage him to wear some basic protective gear. Nice use of language, too. Sorry, but the rest of us don't need a permanent reminder that you and Scotty were stupid irresponsible teenagers who thought you were invincible and got proven wrong. You're just going to have to deal with your guilt on your own, and stop being a public nuisance. I'm sure this is tough to hear, given your juvenile mentality, but you are not the most important person in the world. Grow up and move on. Or grow some balls and join the military, if you think you're so tough and worldly. Don't forget to wear a helmet. They teach that on DAY ONE.
 @Z Can we keep the post to a lesser amount of words because i don't want to read all that lol
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 @Z Well said.  Â
If this mother was so loving and caring, Why didn't she force the issue of safety equipment like a helmet? It looks to me that she made a number of bad personal choices in the raising of her son. Now she feels guilty and wants to place a permanent marker where he died. What she has done, placing this memorial on public land, is illegal. If she has any legal or moral right to disregard the law then we all have that right. Perhaps I should place a memorial on her property! Oh, wait, that would be stealing her property wouldn't it.
 @Freedom1267 For someones whos tag is "freedom"... you sound very contradicting, with that being said i'd say you are also very uneducated because if it was illegal it wouldn't still be there "ratard". So you list one argument on her not forcing the issue of a helmet...which she probably did but theres no way you would know that because you are a "ratard" and you say that she made a number of bad personal choices...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH, dude i can't tell if your post is suppose to be funny or serious because it is just so poorly put together
 @Freedom1267 You can send your child out with a helmet on their head, but then when you are out of view, the helmet comes off.  This happens a lot with teenagers because in there eyes, helmets are not cool. Â
 @Freedom1267 The property that the memorial is on is Public property,  (*as stated in article) not private.  It was not her fault her son made a choice not to wear a helmet.  These kids that she is trying to help need education on reasons to wear a helmet.  This grieving mother is attempting to make sure her only son did not die in vain by educating and supplying other kids with helmets. She should be commended for her strength and courage in this tragic time in her life. You need to look at yourself and your children and the choices that you and your children make and how you would feel in an ignorant person accused you of being the cause of your own childs death.  As far as the memorial, there are memorials on public grounds (streets, freeways etc.) that are there far longer than a year and I feel it should be there as long as it takes.
 @Melissa  @Freedom1267 For both of your guys' information, Andrea tried getting us to wear helmets on the night that Scotty died. She always would but Scotty and I were big boys and we made our own decisions. She coulda held us down and forced us to put helmets on but we all know they woulda been thrown in the yard as soon as we walked out the door. Your mom must've been telling you what to do well into your 30's, huh bub? That must be why you're blaming a grown man's poor decision on his mother. His still grieving mother! Who reads your dumbass comments and feels like its her fault all over again when we all know there was nothing she could've done to prevent it. You make me sick
 @Z No problem, I re read my comment twice to make sure I worded it ok.  I saw the 2 arrows to the names and the last sentence and it made me second guess what I wrote.  I am so sorry for your loss and am praying for you and the mom and all involved.
 @Melissa You misunderstand me.. I saw your comment and thank you for the support.  The first part was just an FYI for both of you, the rest of it was just about the other guy. Sorry if I offended you.Â
 @Z  @Freedom1267 My comment was in reply to freedoms insensitive comment.
 @Z  @Freedom1267 Please reread what I wrote.  I said that the son made the decision to not wear a helmet. Not his mom, I also said his mom should be commended for her effort. so please to belittle my comment
 @Freedom1267 Oh the ignorance continues. You know nothing about the situation so I see the only bad personal choices is people like this that want to comment on something they know nothing about. Nothing was illegal about any of it. The city allows memorials, but do not have an ordinance established with any guidelines. I just wish people would learn a little about something before they try to act as an expert on something that is obviously over their head.
 @Freedom1267 I don't pretend to have an answer to this issue and can honestly see both sides. BUT for you to question this mothers parenting, her love for her child, how much she cared for his safety ..... how dare you. This mother lost a child and you want to blame her for an accident???!!!!! I am sure that she questions herself everyday what she could have done differently. You obviously don't have children and if you do, I feel very sorry for them.
 @keepsanopenmind Very well putÂ
If you knew these people so well, why are you questioning their life choices? Ignorant prick
"Ignorance is a state of being uninformed (lack of knowledge). Ignorance is distinguished from stupidity, although both can lead to "unwise" acts. Individuals with superficial knowledge of a topic or subject may be worse off than people who know absolutely nothing.Ignorance can stifle learning, in that a person who falsely believes he or she is knowledgeable will not seek out clarification of his or her beliefs, but rather rely on his or her ignorant position." This is what I have seen in many of the comments posted in regards to this. I can not fathom how some people can believe that they know what the family should or shouldn't do, when they know nothing about the family or what the family does or doesn't do. Many comments are based upon a portion of one little story that they read or saw and then get on here and act like they are experts in the matter. No laws have been broken in this matter at all. For those who don't know Scotty, well it's too bad for you and please don't pretend like you know anything about him. He was over the age of having to wear a helmet, so he didn't break the law as it is written. I could ask how many of our children, young and old, believe that nothing like this would ever happen to them and the majority would be that they simply either don't think about it or believe that it would never happen to them. The family is working with the City because there are no laws in place. Everything is being done legally and the proper channels are being used to find a resolution for the whole community to make sure there are rules in place for everyone. It has been the stance of the City to abide by County ordinance to allow a memorial for a year and that is not a problem at all for the family. The family is not wanting the current memorial to stay in place for years. It never was the intention to ask the City to allow it to remain. Nor has it been the intention to ask the City to pay for any alternative that could be put in place. And what I think is really unbelievable is anyone that has the gall to say "It's been a year" and to basically get over it or get help. This isn't a divorce or a job loss. The insensitivity of some people really shows in situations like this. I know that every person has an opinion of their own and that no one can take that away from them. It may be altered by something learned about the specifics of the individual case, even if the basic belief isn't changed. I  just wish people that want to scream out their position would do some research and learn a little more about what is being discussed before they go and prove their ignorance. Until you have lost a child, you will never know what is involved or what you live with every day of your life.
So I went to the memorial to see first hand and here is what I found. The site is very tidy and occupies an area only 18 inches on the square. The road passing by is about four lanes wide...or two lanes, two bike lanes, and a center divider (it was recently repaved and is currently unpainted/unstriped).  The memorial is in a depression where a wetlands passes through the neighborhood so there are no houses within 100 feet of the location.Â
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I cannot respect an argument that this would be a distraction for anyone; however, being that the location is about 1000' from the school and located in that depression in the wetland it is an ideal location for a bench which I would agree is a less depressing reminder than the current memorial and would better serve the community.
 @Icarus I am glad you came out and look at the local. It would surely be a nice place for a bench and in case you did not notice the faint tagging on the brick pillar a few yards away. let me tell you it would be a short amount of time before the nice bench would also be marked. And who would not like to sit on a bench near where dog crap is often left. Sweeeet.
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You don't really go outside very often do you.
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Honestly, I don't get your expectation that somebody should clean up the world and force everyone to be a responsible dog owner before another bench is installed.
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 @Icarus i have personally cleaned the brick post graffiti and seen many piles (more when it is wet out) so don't accuse me of phantom issues.
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How have you escaped Preparation H so long? Evidently it is not as affective as they say.
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My point being that the world is a real place and it is unrealistic to believe or pretend or expect that before anyone could ever do anything positive that it is required that everyone else behave properly e.g. pick up after their dogs and stop writing graffiti. Â In fact, these activities have been a social nuisance since the beginning of communal living.
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I don't have a dog; therefore, there is no deposit either in hand or to be otherwise deposited.
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Regarding a "rosy world"...a better world is a choice and so many are dead set against it.
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And, BTW --- I did visit the site but I didn't notice a huge problem with either dog poop or graffiti. I wasn't looking specifically for either but neither was an obvious issue. Therefore; you're just making up phantom issues for irrationally spiteful personal interests.
 @Icarus A bench in this location although somewhat useful would be another target for taggers and bored teenagers. I walk this area several times a week with my dog (and poop bags) and I see what happens to items around here. Graffetti on any flat surface, limbs busted off treees and trash left everywhere and don't tell me I don't go out. I go out and I see things and they are not nearly as rosy as you would hope.
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Have you made your deposit or is still in your hand.
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Geez, people really are cruel. I could tell by reading just the top few that I didn't want to read the rest of the comments and I didn't. I don't need the negativity this morning. How about we come up with positive solutions. I see "Don't drink and drive, In memory of..." signs all the time. How about a "Remember to wear your helmet, In memory of..." sign here. I personally drive Marine Drive daily. There are a couple memorials set up along there that have been there as long as I can remember. I don't even know who passed on the one that has a teddy bear on it but I imagine it was someone young. It just reminds me that this road is not to be taken lightly. Almost annually someone drives into the Columbia. What's wrong with a few tasteful reminders that others have lost their lives, please pay attention.
 @CRB There's nothing wrong with it - but it is the responsibility of the state to setup such reminders on our public roadways - not private individuals.
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Also, regarding the heartless comments, do you not think that the rest of us have also lost loved ones?  We all have.  This human tragedy has already been repeated a billion times.
 @UtterReality  @CRB For some reason you think that the focus is on Scotty's death when it's really about preventing the same tragedy from happening over and over again. His cross is a reminder to everybody to wear a helmet as well as a show of love from the community. Without it, we're doomed to repeat the past and who knows, a few years from now another kid might die on the same hill doing the same thing without a helmet. If EVERYBODY was complaining about it then yeah it might be a good idea to take it down but I'm afraid that's not the case. Our whole community (with the exception of a few negative nancy's) has embraced Scotty's memorial. So whose to tell an entire community that a symbol of both hardship and hope for the future has to come down?Â
 @Z  @UtterReality  @CRB mom says we come here because this is where Scotty took his last breath on his own, so there for it is about his death.
 @badcat Im decently old and scotty was the first person i've ever heard that died from not wearing a helmet, Yah i would say it was pretty shocking because i've never heard it a happen to anyone before scotty
@Z So you & Scotty had never heard of any other kids dying because they didn't wear helmets? That came as a total shock, huh?
@UtterReality .
Well the state certainly didn't set up the ones along Marine Drive.
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And I suppose compassion for the fellow human was lost along the way as well. So having lost negates common courtesy and civility? I for one chose to have sympathy for all those who have lost, even those who chose to be heartless. I believe positive solutions go a whole lot further then negative, unhelpful and useless criticism.
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May everyone have a safe and joyful weekend.
 @CRB  @UtterReality I choose to not dwell on death, but to focus on life.
I'm having a very hard time with ALL of you who HAVE NOT LOST A CHILD saying it's "time to move on", "that's what cemetaries are for". If you are a parent, I ask you: if your child is out of sight, are they also out of mind? Is it wrong to remember them if you can't see them? If something terrible happened that you can't even imagine, would you want to save the next family from experiencing the same loss? Let this site stay. If you have not lost a child, you are NOT qualified to speak to this. This serves as a public reminder of not only Scotty's short lived life but for helmet safety. It is actually saving lives by reminding all what happened at this place.
And, yes, I AM qualified to speak to this...my child was killed on the first day of her senior year as an innocent passenger off campus trying to eat lunch...my childs memorial remains and it helps those students out on the roads at lunch, they can't help but see it and they all know why it's there. It's not a hinderance, it's a help. Please leave Scotty's memorial as is.
 @TerriS  If public safety is the mother's goal, she would be much better off advocating helmet use in elementary school presentations and starting a charity fund to buy low income children helmets.  That is what a rational person would do.
 @UtterReality  @TerriS  Do you not read and pay attention?  Andrea O'Connor has a foundation and charity fund for helmets to be given FREE of charge to children.  THAT is what a rational person does. Â
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Yes, Diane; UtterReality and BadCat and a couple of other idiots here are stupid trolls that just say stupid things so that people will pay attention to them. The internet has been a real boon for their otherwise pathetic social lives.
 @UtterReality  @TerriS In case you didn't know, SCOTTY is Andrea's charity (4scotty.org). Every year around Christmas time they take toy donations and deliver em to foster kids and low income families around the Portland area. She also personally buys copious amounts of helmets out of her own pocket, drives around town for hours on end, and gives em away to kids she see's without one.  So please, please quit with your dumb, negative comments. They're unwarranted and all you're doing is bringing down a family, no wait I take that back, an entire community still in grief and making yourself look bad.Â
 @Z  @UtterReality  @TerriS so save her money buy a bench and place it at the skate board park
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If you were human, you would not even be saying such things ~ cold hearted people should be blocked from being able to comment. Won't wish that you understood because it would mean you lost a child...I won't wish someone else into a grieving parents shoes. Why don't you study grief before you comment? Then you'd understand that rational is not appropriate.
 @TerriS I'd also like to add that while I personally have not lost a child, I've sat with parents who have. And, in these cases, the children did not die as the result of tragic accidents but of pediatric cancer. They can't place memorials any more than they can place blame even if they wanted to.
 @TerriS I don't think people are being heartless. Quite the contrary. I was one of the first to mention a dedicated sign or other memorial plaque that was approved by both the family and the City/County/State or whatever municipality might play a role in making the decision. I'm all for an approved sign being posted provided that there aren't too many signs along a particular stretch of road (at which point the sign should be thought out and redesigned to include the names of anyone who wants to have a loved one's name posted). The random memorials that spring up everywhere are ok for a little while but they quickly become hazards for the people who live and/or travel in the area.
Maybe so, but if you researched and understood real grief, you wouldn't even be posting. Grief does not equal misery. Your utterreality is unrealistic.
 @TerriS You don't think that I've also lost loved ones?  Just because I don't project my grief onto you doesn't mean that I also haven't experienced it myself.  You have no monopoly on misery.