She just kept saying, 'I'm going to kill you.'
VANCOUVER, Wash. - A man on Friday described the feeling of having a gun pressed against the back of his head as he lay in bed. Police said the gun was held by that man's very own wife.
"It hasn't really sunk in yet," said Roger Bethke.
He and his wife, Gayle, were calling it quits after nine years of marriage. Last Friday, while in bed in their Vancouver home, Roger said when he told her he didn't want to talk about splitting up their belongings, things took a turn. He said his wife pointed a gun right in the back of his head. But he wrestled it away.
"When I had her on the ground, she tried to face it towards me. I could see her hand on the trigger just trying to squeeze hard. It was white and red color trying to push the trigger," he said. "I wouldn’t even have had a chance to do anything if it wasn't on safety.
"She just kept saying, 'I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. But I had the gun in my hand already," Roger said.
Gayle has made her first court appearance and Roger now has a restraining order against her.
"It's always been in the afternoon when she started drinking,” he said.
He said it wasn't the first time she's gone after him.
"(She) didn't like what I said to her ... starts hitting me with a bat. I've got to cover up then take it away," he said. "Couple times she came after me with a knife (and) pretended like she was going to do something and didn't."
But he said he still cares for her but "I just wish it'd never happened that way."
So, she's come after him with a bat, a knife, now a gun. If I were him I'd be checking my rearview mirror for a tank.Â
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@brautigan  Gotta sleep sometime, Brau. Â
I can only image how dysfunctional this relationship has been. Baseball bats, knives, a gun? What was he waiting for? To be seriously injured or killed? That woman needs to be locked up and he needs some cajones!
Men are even more reluctant to report physical abuse than women are. Most people laugh at us. It's one of the reasons the statistics are so skewed. My ex abused in many other subtle ways but every so often after too much drink would grab the nearest weapon and go at me despite I was twice her size. Roger's really lucky the responding cops believed him instead of her. Stereotypes die hard.
The first time she came after me with a knife or baseball bat, it would have been over...period! I put up with a verbally abusive wife for nearly 20 years, because I loved my kids and did not want to take a chance on an abusive step father raising them, not because I wanted to stay with her...started slowly, and I 'kind of' just got used to it, and it became just part of our lives. When she told me she had decided to go find someone to have an affair with, the marriage was over. That won't happen again...my second wife started it, I warned her the first time, second time I moved her out and divorced her. No one should allow these things to happen, ESPECIALLY violence....no matter how much you tTHINK you love the other person.
He needs counseling. He sounds like a seriously ABUSED individual. He has endured abuse from his wife for quite some time.Â
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He needs domestic violence counseling. And then he needs to put serious distance between himself and his wife - physically as well as emotionally - for the rest of his life. He needs to save his own life now. And let the state worry about his wife. She needs to be punished. And held criminally accountable. She is a literal terrorist. And she will go off on anyone else. She is OUT OF CONTROL.Â
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And she would have killed him eventually. It was just a matter of time. before that end result would have occurred This man needs to never, ever forget that.Â
Is it true people when subdued start acting or saying what they really feel..??Â
Sounds like an underlying mental illness coupled with substance abuse. Â Borderline Personality Disorder?
I spent 40 years with a mean mouthed alcoholic. It sneaks up on you. Early on it happens once in 6 months. Over time it is finally every night (in my case). And yes if you were truly in love with them you are still in love with them. It just gets worse. I would have been gone had he ever done more than run his mouth. Never tolerate being thumped on. Once is too much. It will take a long time for this man to learn to deal with the residue from this trauma.
Some people think that if it doesn't involve physical harm that it's not abuse. Every hateful word that comes at you is like someone swinging a bat at your heart. You deserved better.
Maybe next time Roger starts dating, he will purchase a bat chit crazy detector.
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Seriously, it is hard to tell early on in a relationship whether someone is going to change for the worse. I never could have predicted that my wife would become a selfish night clubbing tramp. I do have a much better feeling about my girlfriend as she is a keeper.
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Roger does have a big advantage now in the legal regards of the divorce.
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@Dirtman    """Roger does have a big advantage now in the legal regards of the divorce."""
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big whoop, now he probably going to have the live the rest of his life looking over his shoulder worrying about a lunatic who might shoot him.
 @kramr What did he pizz off a cop as well ???
 @cptmac11  @kramr What are you talking about, cptmac11? She's the  lunatic, not any cop that was involved. Although, truth be told, there are lots of ' lunatic cops' in this ol' world.
 @kramr Yeah, that is not a nice thought. Maybe she will learn something and leave him along.
She sounds like a nice regular Vantucky girl.
Living with an alcoholic is difficult for sure, I have experience with this. Â Add in the fact that women have come to feel no fear in threatening or intimidating a man due to the courts always siding with them and it's what I used to call Friday night fights.
It's never the pothead who does this...always a drunk :)
"You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run..."
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Psst...Roger...I think it's time to run.
I'm single as well, divorced and probably won't ever marry again. It IS indeed a lot simpler not to have to deal with someone's inability to be a good companion.  Throw in the mix some alcoholic frenzy and you've got a major reason to run away and don't look back. I've known two people now that have a major intolerance for alcohol. One little sip and they turn into insultive little whiners.   This lady obviously shouldn't be drinking any alcohol and Roger it will take a while to redirect your life away from her but you've taken the first step well. Breaking the old habits you've established by being around her will take a while to pass. Good luck to you.Â
"It's always been in the afternoon when she started drinking,â he said.
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Yep, alcohol is involved - this is what happens when you drink instead of think, folks! I feel sorry for you, Roger.
Fatal attraction much?
I have a friend who is going through a nasty divorce after over 30 years of marriage.Similar to Mr.Bethke,even though the marriage was essentially over years ago and after just going along to get along on top of her cleaning his clock,he is still in love with her.I don't get it.Maybe that's why I'm celibate and single.Life seems to be much more simple for me.