When talking to kids about tragedy, frank conversations can be healthy
PORTLAND, Ore. – Horrific acts like the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School or the random shooting at Clackamas Town Center are often talked about in hushed tones around children. For many, it might seem like the right way to deal with such a traumatizing subject.
After all, who wouldn’t want to protect innocent children from the news of something so horrible?
Even though the conversations are difficult, a Portland-based expert who deals with children exposed to trauma says being quiet is one of the worst ways to deal with these events.
Dr. Donna Shuurman began working with traumatized children in 1979 helping heal the deep wounds to the hearts, minds and souls of Cambodian and Vietnamese refugees.
She knows the signs of kids suffering post-trauma.
“If you see any behavior that seems to be self-harm or running away behavior,” she said. “I look for changes in behavior.”
Shuurman now works as the executive director of Portland’s Dougy Center and focuses on the healing needs of children exposed to horrible situations.
“Some families come for six months, some come literally for five or six years,” she said of her work. “We’re here to help support you in that journey.”
Shuurman is careful not to use the names of any of the notorious killers in these senseless acts. Not the Thurston High School killer, not the two Columbine shooters, not Tuesday’s mall shooter and not the latest young man who inflicted so much pain on so many people.
“They’re very troubled,” she said. “They have serious problems, but let’s not give them more credit and glorification even by using their names.”
Shuurman said survivors also don’t want to see killers get attention for doing such horrible acts.
When it comes to talking to kids about these acts, she says frank conversations are healthy.
She added that children should never feel like they’re being rushed through their grieving or that their feelings are being swept aside.
“I think we all need to find those balances of how we move on and we have to recognize, for some people, their moving on will be forever changed,” Shuurman told KATU.
Shuurman has friends and colleagues who work as grief counselors just miles away from Newtown, Conn. She said they too have been traumatized by the massacre and have reached out to their colleagues to address their own feelings.
yeah be frank with them like you do when you drink and smoke and like when you talk about santa claus and the easter bunny.
Mental health issues are serious issues. But if your having trouble with stress or mental health issues like Christmas and depression and you have Kaiser Insurance the first available appointment to see a mental health professional at Kaiser Permanente is January 18th 2013.
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 @HarryJuku I agree but actual gun control in the USA is like a boomerang. Try to take a step forward on gun control and you will take 19 steps backward. All you have to do is talk about it and the market will be flooded with high capacity mags, assault rifles and ammo. That's why these gun stores are having their best day in 20 years. Sure you can try to close the barn door but the horse is already out. There are something like 20,000 gun laws. Will 1 more make a difference? I hope so but I doubt it. Gun control advocates effectively just identified an investment in which a person can make 100 to 500% profit at a time when people are out of work. They just gave a ton of people an opportunity to make lots of money. Figure out a way in which they make a ton of money by controlling guns rather that reselling them and then we'll see constructive action. When Regan banned high capacity mags it absolutely flooded the country with hundreds of thousands of high capacity mags. People bought high capacity magazines for guns they didn't even own just for the resale value.
 @special effects  @HarryJuku Harry's just trolling. You bit.
Mental Health Care is just not available, it's a myth, especially if you're poor.
Just be honest with your kids. If they ask you, "Daddy, will I get shot at school," just be honest. "Probably not, son. But we live in America, so, it's possible. But it's not likely." That seems to do the job.
 @Whobeke Or you could say, no son, I'm a member of the NRA and I want you to carry this pistol on your back back, if you see the slightest thing out of line just open fire on all those mofos..
This should do it !
 @dougrpdx  @Whobeke Or you could say "If you do, it won't be by anyone legally carrying a weapon."