Transgender girl, 6, barred from using school bathroom
FOUNTAIN, Colo. (AP) - At first, Jeremy and Kathryn Mathis didn't think much of their son's behavior. Coy took his sister's pink blanket, and shunned the car they gave him for Christmas.
Then, Coy told them he only wanted to wear girls' clothes. At school, he became upset when his teacher insisted he line up with the boys. All the while, he was becoming depressed and withdrawn, telling his parents at one point he wanted to get "fixed" by doctors.
When the Mathises learned he had gender identity disorder - a condition in which someone identifies as the opposite gender - they decided to help Coy live as a girl. And suddenly, she came out of her shell.
"We could force her to be somebody she wasn't, but it would end up being more damaging to her emotionally and to us because we would lose the relationship with her," Kathryn Mathis said. "She was discussing things like surgery and things like that before and she's not now, so obviously we've done something positive."
Now, her family is locked in a legal battle with the school district in Fountain, a town 82 miles south of Denver, over where Coy, 6, should go to use the bathroom - the girls' or, as school officials suggest, one in the teachers' lounge or another in the nurse's office. Her parents say using anything other than the girls' bathroom could stigmatize her, and open her up to bullying.
Fountain-Fort Carson School District 8 declined to comment, citing a complaint filed on behalf of the Mathises with the Colorado Office of Civil Rights that alleges a violation of the state's anti-discrimination law. School officials, however, sent a letter to the family, explaining their decision to prevent Coy from using the girls' bathroom at Eagleside Elementary, where she is a first-grader.
"I'm certain you can appreciate that as Coy grows older and his male genitals develop along with the rest of his body, at least some parents and students are likely to become uncomfortable with his continued use of the girls' restroom," the letter read.
School districts in many states, including Colorado, have enacted policies that allow transgender students to use the bathroom of the gender with which they identify. Sixteen states, again including Colorado, have anti-discrimination laws that include protections for transgender people.
Legal battles such as the one the Mathises are facing are rare, said Michael Silverman of the New York-based Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund who is representing the Mathises. He sees about a dozen cases each year. Silverman refers most cases to social workers who work with districts to work out a solution to a well-recognized medical condition.
Psychologists don't know what causes the condition, but it was added to the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual in 1980 - some three decades after the psychological concept of gender began to be developed.
The manual's fifth edition, due out in May, changes the name to Gender Dysphoria - which refers to the distress from the gender conflict - partly out of concerns that the current name is stigmatizing, said Dr. Jack Drescher, a New York psychiatrist who serves on the working group that suggested the changes.
There's no consensus on how to treat it in somebody Coy's age because of a lack of data on the disorder in prepubescent children. Research suggests that many children gradually become "comfortable with their natal gender," an APA task force reported in 2011. But the goal of any treatment should be to help the child adjust to its reality, the APA said.
Coy is a triplet, with a brother, Max, and a sister, Lily. At 5 months old, Coy was already expressing a preference for items associated with girls, the Mathises recalled. A friend gave them baby blankets, and Coy took a pink blanket meant for Lily. The Mathises didn't think too much of it.
They bought Coy toys normally associated with boys, but she showed little interest. While Max was excited when Coy opened her Christmas present in 2009 to find a toy car from the Disney movie "Cars," Coy simply set it down and walked away.
As Coy got older, she found and wore her older sister's bathing suit, which had fringe that made it look like a tutu.
Still they pressed on in raising a boy, encouraging Coy to wear boy clothes and bought shirts that had pictures of sports, monsters and dinosaurs on them. She showed little interest, and refused to leave the house if she had to wear boy's clothes.
It didn't bother her father, an ex-Marine, that Coy liked to wear pink bows and dress up in girls clothes. That is, until Coy insisted on leaving the house with them on.
"She would see the stereotypical outfits laid out and then get this look of defeat and then would go, 'I'd just rather stay home,'" her mother said. "It wasn't about the pink. It was about people knowing she was a girl."
When Coy asked to be taken to the doctor to be "fixed," they took her to a psychologist who diagnosed her.
Coy started kindergarten in August 2011 but once the Mathises learned that Coy's behavior wasn't a phase, they allowed her to wear dresses and identify herself as a girl in the middle of the school year. The withdrawn child who was lagging behind in school began to flourish.
In kindergarten, the children used unisex bathrooms. Last fall, in first grade, the district allowed her to use the girls' bathroom. But then they told the Mathises that Coy would have to either use the staff bathroom or the one in the nurse's office starting in January. Coy is being home-schooled now, along with her siblings, while the issue is being litigated.
The family hopes that the district will reconsider, especially since using the bathroom is done in private anyway, and that Coy isn't stigmatized by being forced to use a different bathroom than her peers.
"The doctor's bathroom is only for sick people and I'm not sick," said Coy, wearing white tights, a red dress and sweater and sitting on the living room couch at her house as her siblings played a computer game nearby at the kitchen table.
Then, Coy told them he only wanted to wear girls' clothes. At school, he became upset when his teacher insisted he line up with the boys. All the while, he was becoming depressed and withdrawn, telling his parents at one point he wanted to get "fixed" by doctors.
When the Mathises learned he had gender identity disorder - a condition in which someone identifies as the opposite gender - they decided to help Coy live as a girl. And suddenly, she came out of her shell.
"We could force her to be somebody she wasn't, but it would end up being more damaging to her emotionally and to us because we would lose the relationship with her," Kathryn Mathis said. "She was discussing things like surgery and things like that before and she's not now, so obviously we've done something positive."
Now, her family is locked in a legal battle with the school district in Fountain, a town 82 miles south of Denver, over where Coy, 6, should go to use the bathroom - the girls' or, as school officials suggest, one in the teachers' lounge or another in the nurse's office. Her parents say using anything other than the girls' bathroom could stigmatize her, and open her up to bullying.
Fountain-Fort Carson School District 8 declined to comment, citing a complaint filed on behalf of the Mathises with the Colorado Office of Civil Rights that alleges a violation of the state's anti-discrimination law. School officials, however, sent a letter to the family, explaining their decision to prevent Coy from using the girls' bathroom at Eagleside Elementary, where she is a first-grader.
"I'm certain you can appreciate that as Coy grows older and his male genitals develop along with the rest of his body, at least some parents and students are likely to become uncomfortable with his continued use of the girls' restroom," the letter read.
School districts in many states, including Colorado, have enacted policies that allow transgender students to use the bathroom of the gender with which they identify. Sixteen states, again including Colorado, have anti-discrimination laws that include protections for transgender people.
Legal battles such as the one the Mathises are facing are rare, said Michael Silverman of the New York-based Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund who is representing the Mathises. He sees about a dozen cases each year. Silverman refers most cases to social workers who work with districts to work out a solution to a well-recognized medical condition.
Psychologists don't know what causes the condition, but it was added to the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual in 1980 - some three decades after the psychological concept of gender began to be developed.
The manual's fifth edition, due out in May, changes the name to Gender Dysphoria - which refers to the distress from the gender conflict - partly out of concerns that the current name is stigmatizing, said Dr. Jack Drescher, a New York psychiatrist who serves on the working group that suggested the changes.
There's no consensus on how to treat it in somebody Coy's age because of a lack of data on the disorder in prepubescent children. Research suggests that many children gradually become "comfortable with their natal gender," an APA task force reported in 2011. But the goal of any treatment should be to help the child adjust to its reality, the APA said.
Coy is a triplet, with a brother, Max, and a sister, Lily. At 5 months old, Coy was already expressing a preference for items associated with girls, the Mathises recalled. A friend gave them baby blankets, and Coy took a pink blanket meant for Lily. The Mathises didn't think too much of it.
They bought Coy toys normally associated with boys, but she showed little interest. While Max was excited when Coy opened her Christmas present in 2009 to find a toy car from the Disney movie "Cars," Coy simply set it down and walked away.
As Coy got older, she found and wore her older sister's bathing suit, which had fringe that made it look like a tutu.
Still they pressed on in raising a boy, encouraging Coy to wear boy clothes and bought shirts that had pictures of sports, monsters and dinosaurs on them. She showed little interest, and refused to leave the house if she had to wear boy's clothes.
It didn't bother her father, an ex-Marine, that Coy liked to wear pink bows and dress up in girls clothes. That is, until Coy insisted on leaving the house with them on.
"She would see the stereotypical outfits laid out and then get this look of defeat and then would go, 'I'd just rather stay home,'" her mother said. "It wasn't about the pink. It was about people knowing she was a girl."
When Coy asked to be taken to the doctor to be "fixed," they took her to a psychologist who diagnosed her.
Coy started kindergarten in August 2011 but once the Mathises learned that Coy's behavior wasn't a phase, they allowed her to wear dresses and identify herself as a girl in the middle of the school year. The withdrawn child who was lagging behind in school began to flourish.
In kindergarten, the children used unisex bathrooms. Last fall, in first grade, the district allowed her to use the girls' bathroom. But then they told the Mathises that Coy would have to either use the staff bathroom or the one in the nurse's office starting in January. Coy is being home-schooled now, along with her siblings, while the issue is being litigated.
The family hopes that the district will reconsider, especially since using the bathroom is done in private anyway, and that Coy isn't stigmatized by being forced to use a different bathroom than her peers.
"The doctor's bathroom is only for sick people and I'm not sick," said Coy, wearing white tights, a red dress and sweater and sitting on the living room couch at her house as her siblings played a computer game nearby at the kitchen table.
What's really interesting is how the photos of this boy and his family have been washed for the media attention. Its not the freak show it was when the story first broke with all the kids in their pink, green, and purple hair. Looks like someone lawyered up, in hopes of a major payday perhaps?Â
Usually there is a bathroom that the staff use, and it is a gender neutral bathroom. The child could use that. As far as using the girls bathroom...until "he" is "fixed", it's not appropriate for a boy - no matter if he is dressed as a girl or not, to be using the bathroom.Â
I'm sorry, but this child should be home-schooled until this is resolved. When is it the right of a parent to push to have their child be the "star" of the show, and not think of others who are affected as well? This isn't a simple choice. There are many factors involved.Â
@washcomom Except, since when did the parents try to turn Coy into a star? All they did is dress Coy in clothing that matches Coy's gender identification, and all of a sudden the school district wants to raise flags about the bathroom issue. Frankly, I think all bathrooms would benefit from being unisex. I mean, if you use a stall, they have locks on the doors, you lock the door, and no one is able to get fresh in the stall.
I think she is beautiful. Â
@QT3.14159 I agree, Coy looks to be a very happy, beautiful little girl. And clearly the school district needs some mandatory sensitivity training by the state, if someone is identifying as a female, it's appropriate to identify that person as a female, same as though they identify as a male, you address them as a male.Â
@QT3.14159  I, too, think she's a beautiful child. SHE! The child can be whatever gender is in her mind. Just because I don't understand the situation is not a deterrent to my ability to accept.
@QT3.14159Â It is a boy.
its a he...
This is a sad transferance case! On top of a bad doctor collecting money from clearly parentally unfit people. sad thing is the media will eat this up ! In reality this hurts the gay issue! Parents are suppose to teach not pander!!!!!Provide support. It is sad! Nothing is just born gay!!!!! It is a choice!!!!! At 5 or at 55 it is a choice. Otherwise it is a gentic problem carried through genes, or a mental Disorder! Gay is not a miracle!!!!! Or an unexplained happening or out-break!!!!! It is a narsassitic human trait period! It comes down to chemicals in the brain and which ones you like better! of course we will find that tabboo is a thing homosexaulity craves and how not to be more tabboo then to go against nature itself . lol lmfao cause you people just dont get it.
Um, I was born gay, I didn't choose it. I can't imagine anyone choosing to be gay. And clearly Coy from a very very early age was identifying as a girl, there's nothing wrong with that. Just because YOU don't understand something, doesn't mean that people choose it.
Its a set up for a Reality show...
I don't care what any of you say, just look at her sweet little face and leave her alone...if someone who is gay can "know" at age 5 that they're somehow different, so can this little girl.
@Sundowner Well I certainly new at age 5 I liked girls but this kind of stinks of his parents pushing him one way or another. No kid at age five really understands what he is feeling or that medical technology has advanced to the point they could change it via drugs or surgery. I feel more for this child since it seems like he is being used as a pawn for some adults agenda...
@FreedomRocks @Sundowner I truly pity your children (or any children you may have). You've made it clear that their "feelings" will have no meaning to you whatsoever when they are young. Tell me, at what arbitrary age with you being to have some regard or, dare I say it, "respect" for your children's feelings?
By the way, you are completely wrong about what children can or cannot know at age 5.
@sundowner @freedomrocks I feel horrible for Coy, such a sweet beautiful looking child. The fact of the matter is this, Coy was not interested in the items stereotypically designed for boys, and instead was interested in items stereotypically designed for girls. If the only issue was that Coy wanted to wear pink tutu's and high heels periodicaly, then it would sound like a child that enjoyed dressing up, but clearly Coy has expressed that he feels as though he is supposed to be a girl, and if that' the case, then let Coy live life as a girl, if at some point Coy feels this is wrong, then he can later on live life as a boy
Wow, the comments I am reading are kinda disturbing...
The child said they wanted to to go to the doctor to be "fixed." If anyone here has a kid, they should know that kids think differently about things than adults do. She probably knows that when she has a boo boo or is sick she goes to the doctor and the doctor fixes it. She probably is thinking there is something wrong with me, I don't feel right so can I go to the doctor to get it fixed. No where does it say anything about her asking for surgery. I may not completely understand what gender identity disorder entails but I do understand what it's like to raise children and how difficult it is for a "normal" child to find their identity much less a child that has a problem such as this. I will not lay down judgements on the parents of this child without having walked in their shoes. I'm sure they are doing what they feel is best for their child, their situation, their family. And, we should all just leave it at that.
@welding_diva Â
Don't you kinda think they invited public opinion when they put their kid on TV? It's a two-way street at that point. There was no need to make a public spectacle of the child and so I doubt they are sensitive to being in the spotlight.
The mere fact that this little boy knows that he can get "fixed" is questionable. And WRONG that he knows that at his age! If he's allowed to dress and live as a girl, so be it. But, he's genetically a boy, therefore he uses the gender appropriate restroom. Just because he "might feel" like a girl, doesn't make it okay to use the girls' restroom.
@Sara Just because a "Y" chromosome looks like a penis doesn't mean you have to use a urinal when you pee. You have NO IDEA what this child's genetics are, nor are they relevant to this in any way. Exactly what is it you think is going to happen if Coy is in the girl's restroom (where she belongs, FYI)? I mean, come on... spell it out.
Your ignorance and judgmental attitude makes me ill. Shame on you.
nope...you are wrong
@SKVmutant Nope, don't think I am.
It'll be nice when the older folks who don't understand this kind of stuff disappear off this planet so we can make this a happier place, where people, no matter what their age and gender identity, can be accepted for who they are.
@Brandon JohnsonÂ
Yeah sure it will be party time!
Well at least us "older folks" though I'm not that old, just my views are (what you call old I call normal), we have/had it a lot simpler than this EVERYTHING GOES new "better world."
This is the most confusing mess ever!! Just imagine navigating the dating arena today::
straight men, straight women
bi men, bi women,
gay men, gay women,
straight men that want to dress like women, straight women that want to dress like men
men that dress like women and want to surgically become women
and women that dress like men that want to become men
men that have already become women thru surgery
women that have already become men thru surgery
then add the para sexual and a-sexual and whatever other strange freaking thing..
HOW MANY IS THAT? Â For Pete's Sake! Can you imagine trying to find a date in THAT mess?
Sheesh!Â
glad I am normal.
@Nuclear-XÂ
Yeah well ya better have a dang survey to question possible dates, if you're single.
Crazy freakish world we're living in!Â
How can a 6 year even begin to know about having surgery to change gender? I think someone is messing with this childs mind. There are hermaphradites, but if this is not the case with this child, I would suggest maybe someone, hopefully not the parents or one of them, is getting to the child in a very, very inappropriate manner / way. I hope to God no one is sexually abusing the child. The parents need to examine efficiently and appropriately to ensure the childs safety above all else. The child is ONLY 6 yrs old. There are tests that need to be conducted, examinations, hormone tests, electrolyte tests, specific molecular tests, maybe an ultra sound.
@Victorious I can only hope that you are having someone examine or monitor you for rampant ignorance and the need to express it publicly. Perhaps someone is messing with your mind? I mean, how can someone like you even know anything about the diversity of gender? There are closed-minded, fear driven people in this world, but that may not be the case with you. I hope to The Easter Bunny that no one is sexually abusing you (now, or in the past.) I certainly hope it wasn't your parents that did this damage to your capacity to think critically and empathize with other human beings. I believe that, perhaps there should be some tests conducted and examinations performed on you. Perhaps your hormone levels need to be checked (and adjusted), or your electrolytes recorded. I think a deep-tissue molecular test ought to be done just to rule out an DNA-level damage to you genetics and then, for good measure, and ultrasound done to confirm whether or not you are pregnant, or possibly passing a kidney stone.
Oh wait! I forgot... I don't even know you, or know anything about your history or parents. I also don't know anything about molecular examinations (is there even such a thing?) Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut about all the FANTASIZED damage your family has done to you because, well... I DON'T KNOW YOU.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the way to go.
you have no idea what you are talking about...just more homophobic...evangelistic spew
how is homophobic envolved it isnt even about that,so you are clueless
Wow, I must say, I am very surprised at most of the comments on this!!! I truly believe that people are sometimes born "wired" different than others. In my opinion, the school has offered fair alternatives to accomodate ALL of the students, including Coy. I am surprised that many comments are more based on Trans-sexual, not Trans-gender, this is a 6 yr old. It has absolutely nothing to do with sex.Â
its nice the child runs the family
If I was in their shoes, I never would have shown the kid's face on the news. Just withdraw Coy from that school, and put Coy in a school where you leave out the fact Coy was born as a boy. Just check the F box and problem solved! Too late now, that Coy's face is on the news, every person in Colorado will recognize Coy.
 I think it's sick to make a public example out of your 6 year old.
@The_AnnaCannardÂ
I agree with your last sentence but for the rest...
You are advocating deceiving an entire school full of children? Let's just LIE and that will make everything alright?
THAT is certainly not what's best, nor fair, for the several hundred little girls in that school now is it? So we let them lie & allow a little BOY because he IS a boy, to use the restroom with a bunch of little girls. This certainly is NOT what's best for the 200-400 little girls in that school. The DESIRE of the ONE out weighs the best interest of the MANY? What about middle school? Where does HE shower for PE?
Sorry but this is ridiculous. It's just NOT good parenting. Boys don't even start making testosterone until what 12 or so? They need to wait & see what he feels then before encouraging this.Â
@cwpholder How do Coy's parents know that another family isn't concealing something from other families or students for some reason? Perhaps it's a REALLY good reason, like the fear that their child will be oppressed and bullied? Perhaps there are other transgender children in that school and NO ONE will ever know? How exactly will the other children be damaged by that?
Perhaps we need a witch hunt in all our schools because, as you seem to believe, EVERYONE has a right to know EVERYTHING about each other's kids... unless, of course, it's YOUR kid, I'm sure.
@cwpholder Â
I agree. If you start down that road of essentailly lieing about his sex then it could really blow up in all kinds of unforeseen ways.
@ormom @cwpholder Â
Not the least of which is teaching your child it's ok to lie as long as it benefits you..  Very, very bad idea.Â
@cwpholder Notice I refrained from referring to him or her. I do not agree with the parents changing the child, but the bigger issue I saw here, is that they are making their 6 yr old a public figure because of the kid's identity issues. No one wants their personal struggles made public. Especially not a child.
@The_AnnaCannard @cwpholder On that we totally AGREE!Â
This comment has been deleted
@TheUglyTruth @The_AnnaCannard They let the cameras in their home didn't they? They released Coy's picture to the media didn't they? Laws require courts to conceal the identity of children in lawsuits. Coy's name was not publicly accessible. Coy's parents are making this a big deal.
One question...does DNA show he is a boy or girl? He uses the bathroom that the DNA states...end of story. If he wants surgery, he can wait until he is old enough to make that decision for himself...not much different than having sex under legal age...the person is 'legally' unable to make that decision. By the time he is 15 or 20, he may change his mind and want to be a truck driver or cowboy...
@flyingtime I'm not exactly sure what this "DNA Report" looks like. Would you mind showing us your kid's DNA Report so that we can all be sure they are really a boy or a girl? I'm sure you have it tucked away in a drawer somewhere along with your PhD in Nuclear Medicine paperwork and your Sex & Gender Expert awards.
@flyingtime " By the time he is 15 or 20, he may change his mind and want to be a truck driver or cowboy..."...
Of course , you're not predjudice, a bigot or stereotype as though you were living in 1820.....sheeeeze , what come from the thought process of some on here you'd think there were neanderthals still walking around !
I was right on track with you until you brought up jobs... You do know that there are many women who are truck drivers, cowgirls, firemen, etc....
Being a good parent requires more than just LOVING a child with leniency. Children NEED discipline & guidance! It is NOT bullying to discipline a child or require them to conform to rules, anyone that thinks that is bullying, is NOT a parent, at least NOT a good one.Â
Parents are not their child's "best pal" we are PARENTS and sometimes that means making the tough decisions that kids don't like.Â
I told my son something very similar what Lips stated below, only it was "Get your behind dressed RIGHT NOW or I will take you to school in your pajamas!  I LOVE my son's and sometimes that means saying NO! Sometimes that means being tough and the child saying "I hate you!:  They will get over it.. Eventually, when they are mature, responsible ADULTS, they will say "Thank You" for being a good parent! Â
I don't care if my children get angry or sad at my decisions, I make those decisions for their OWN GOOD! Once kids are old enough to GET IT they appreciate having been raised with rules & boundaries.
Perhaps not the one's that had NO rules, who's parents gave into their every whim.. I don't know, I would have to visit the prison to ask them..Â
@cwpholder Or perhaps not the ones who, when forced to conform to gender stereotypes that do not fit their individual identity commit suicide, or at the very least, dwell on the idea of taking their own lives. Or who suffer from lifelong low self-esteem because their parents (like you) clearly had no tolerance for who they were, and instead simply wanted to mold them into who YOU wanted them to be.
Yes... kids need guidance and boundary setting from parents. But they also need one who listens and responds to each child as a unique individual. Clearly, you are NOT that kind of parent. I pity you and your children.
@cwpholder Are you saying Coy should be forced to wear boys clothes? The boy became depressed and wouldn't even leave the house-  I don't think this boy who relates to being a girl would ever get over it and say "Thank you" when he/she is older and depressed and suicidal. Do you also think you can change a gay person into being straight by being tough with them? If so, we will not be able to agree on this subject.
@djshimon @cwpholder Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying..Â
This is NOT about being gay that is completely off the subject. This is a 6 year old boy! He hasn't got a clue what he wants..Â
My son loved his Batman Halloween costume when he was 5. He wanted to wear it everywhere ALL the time. I let him wear it at home but when we left the house or he went to school, he had to wear regular clothes.Â
When my brother was 4-6, he would dress up in mom's heels and dresses, put make-up on a few times too. Thank God we didn't take him to a psychiatrist or he would be probably be transgender! MANY, many boys go through a stage of wearing mommy's clothes or a big sister's things. Girls dress up in daddy's motocross gear or mechanic over-alls. MOST OFTEN it's a phase they will outgrow.Â
Five or six years old is WAY TOO YOUNG to decide ANY child has a gender identity problem. Â Â
The idea of this whole thing, with a child THAT young is LUDICROUS at best and borders on abuse.Â
@cwpholder Rights of the many? How is a person wearing gender specific clothes infringing on the RIGHTS of the MANY? I don't see it. The bathrooms are for one person at a time, so why would they be gender specific either and how could that infringe on anyone's privacy? Â
 You don't believe people are gender aware at 6 years old? When I was around 5 or 6 years old I knew I liked girls.  This kid identifies as a girl at 6 and that is most probably what she will always be.
a made up condition just like ADHD just to sell more drugs/couch time
@djshimon I have no problem with letting him enjoy it AT HOME.
But 'letting him enjoy it' should not be at the expense of several hundred natural little girls at his school. If this boy's issue, desire, want etc... starts interfering with the other children at school than I have an issue with it.
THAT is the problem here.. We cannot allow the DESIRE of ONE to take precedence over the RIGHTS of the MANY.Â
@FreedomRocks He is a she (if you mean me)  lol but I'll take the "common sense" part. Thank you. :)Â
@SKVmutant I believe he is a Dr of common sense...way to many parents these days want to be friends first with their kids and parents second...
and you are the doctor for what hospital...you have all this knowledge on gender identity disorder from what institution?
that's what I thought
@cwpholder@djshimon If it's a phase, why not let them enjoy it and they'll eventually grow out of it like you said?   You said, "This is a 6 year old boy! He hasn't got a clue what he wants." - But kids do have a clue what they want- your 5 year old wore his Batman costume everywhere all the time, he knew what he wanted, didn't he?