Parenting, Part 4: Talking to your child about sex

A surprising number of kids are sexually active at an early age and experts say it’s best for parents to start the conversation with their kids at an early age.

“Only eight percent of parents of high school kids think their kids are sexually active,” said Dr. Mehmet Oz a surgeon and talk show host. “The real number is over 50 percent.”

There’s good news, though. Parents are the most influential factors in a teenager’s decisions about sex.

Parent Lorraine Schuler said it’s tough to speak to kids about sex but she said it’s a parent’s job.

“You’ve got to be honest and, yeah, it might be uncomfortable,” she said.

Even if it’s best to start talking with children about sexuality in early childhood, it’s never too late to start.

Giving children age-appropriate information will help them feel more in control of their bodies and make responsible decisions.

“When they are between nine and 11 years of age, you need to sit down and just explain how the body parts work,” said Oz.

“Be open about it,” said Schuler. “I hate it when people use weird terms for sexual body parts.”

Dr. Oz agrees and said children need to know the mechanics then “in between 11 and 13 you need to get into a little bit more of the reality of what risks occur when you use that plumbing,” Oz said.

This is where things might get uncomfortable but Schuler said the opportunities are everywhere.

“I have some of the best conversations with the girls when we are just driving places,” she said.

She suggested using what’s happening in the news as a jumping-off point.

“Reading the paper is a great opportunity, too,” Schuler said. “If I see something in the paper I’ll say, ‘Hey, you should read this.’”

She also suggested watching the teenager’s favorite show and asking questions about it. Or if the teenager is reading a book, read it too.

And once the conversation is started, keep it up. It’s not just about sitting down and having “the talk”.

Oz said keeping an open dialogue will make it easier for kids to come to their parents with their questions.

“As they begin to trust that they can come to you as a resource, when they have problems they will be there because they know you will be there,” he said.

One more suggestion: Parents should figure out what they’re own expectations are whether they have strong, conservative, religious beliefs or if they think waiting until marriage is unrealistic.

Parents should then figure out how to convey those things to their kids.